Quote: I like the idea that it's truly beyond my control and I can choose to accept his choices or not...but that I can't control the choices he makes.
It's somehow liberating.
Liberating.... Yeah, I agree that it is. I hadn't identified that feeling yet, but that's what it is. But, let me caution you about something I'm beginning to notice, tho. I'm noticing that as I am "liberated" from her drama, "liberated" from my own self-torment about what she does, I am so much more sensitive to events that occur that are against my "preferences". They sort of hurt more intensely when they occur. But, to the positive, the pain goes away quite quickly when I remind myself that it is my choice to accept her right to make her own. It is my choice to continue with this R and that is what I do choose. If I make the choice to continue, I must accept the "bad" with the "good".
When you can do that, you further remove yourself from the drama, particularly THEIR drama. When you remove yourself from their drama, and no longer contribute to it, no longer becoming, for them, a source of their drama, they begin to see more clearly how much they have messed up their own lives, how much they have contributed to their misery and the decline of the marriage. And rather than "react" against your pressure, they must "choose" which path they wish to follow.
Just my thoughts about it for now. But, what do I know, I'm still learning...
