I've been reading this thread and have found it helpful. I'm particularly intrigued by the idea of 'it's none of my business, because it's really not in my control'.
This is the what my husband has expressed to me in the past. I always got mad because I interpreted it as meaning that he didn't love me. I believed that if he truly loved me, he'd be jealous (at least a tiny bit).
He cheated on me when we first started dating. With his girlfriend of 6 years (whom he said was just a friend and that the relationship was over.) He didn't tell me until after we'd been married a year...I'd kept nagging about it until he finally confessed.
I've been so angry that even though I was at my best when he cheated, he still chose to have sex with someone he had a history with. For a long time I felt like giving up on our relationship because if he cheated on me when I was at my best, then my best would never be good enough.
I know intellectually that this was never about me, but about him. If anything, I should try to be optimistic about it and take it as proof that he has a hard time letting go. Right?
Obviously this is an unresolved issue for me..but I just want to work things out with him.
I like the idea that it's truly beyond my control and I can choose to accept his choices or not...but that I can't control the choices he makes.
