"From the way I read DB and Michele, there is only one rule "If what you are doing is working, do more of it. If what you are not doing is not working, try something else."
I think you pretty much got it there in a nutshell there, my friend!
"Doing something different".
In my pre-DB'ing days, I was seeing a C for a gambling problem I had. Although he wasn't a follower of Michele's specific works, whenever I tried to give him "reasons" for doing the things that I was doing, he would ask me a DB type question...
"Well, JJ. How's that worked for you SO far?"
Well, my answer would be "obviously not so good", since I was there seeing him!
"My evolution as a board reader has been that of starting desparately looking for answers and how to "do it right" to one now where I tend to notice more examples of behaviors that "are not working". And, sadly, I see one of the biggest examples of things not working is when people get too caught up in the "dogma" of DB and other related ideas."
Pretty much the same for me. Heavy on seeing the things that don't work.
I think the hardest part about properly DB'ing is keeping it simple. We see our problems as so overwhelming, that we think the answer has to be a complicated one.
Well, it doesn't have to be. As a matter of fact, we tend to overlook the simple solutions that WILL work.
Usually, by the time we find our way to this board, we've research tons of self-help material, looking for some specific help with our situation. Quite often, by the time we're done, we've been able to put a nice "label" on the way that we are, and the way that our partner is.
That's all fine and dandy, but it never really brings us any closer to solving our problem.
IMHO, the best way to make DB'ing work is to lose the labels, and keep it simple. Learn to be creative in your thinking, and look for solutions in the places you may have overlooked before. Don't complicate the process more than you have to.
Off my soapbox now!
JJ
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