sounds like you are very in touch with your feelings on this subject. you hit many important aspects of what relationships are really all about. choice and respect. I do not see it as respect for the was to "pretend" to be working on the m while keeping in contact with the op. what I said to h, when I discovered he was still "talking" to ow after "claiming" to work on the r, is how would you feel if while we are supposedly working on our r, I am out with other men???? that he didn't like. hanging on to op shows (in my eyes) that they still do not take the r seriously, and are just testing the waters with us. I believe my h is still talking to ow, at least as of last week he was. if i find that he is still talking to her, then i will not take his stated commitment to our marriage seriously. the op can't exist if we are to have a whole healthy marriage, the op will always be getting or giving something to our spouse that takes away from our relationship. yes it is their "choice" whether or not to respect our feelings on the issue, but is it really respecting our feelings or respecting the marriage? LL
