You really have an interesting take on this. It makes sense. Don't think I would have ever come to this conclusion on my own.
It's so true how stuck on that rule the LS becomes. Especially in our sit where the WAS is still in contact w/the OP and there's not much chance they will stop any time soon. It's true how this rule contradicts that we cannot demand, we cannot insist. We are told not to pursue, to leave them alone. I've struggled hard with this. I agree that we can't make the choice for them. I'm struggling with the "none of my business" Not that I disagree with it, but it's a hard concept for me to grasp. (Partly because I'm so damn nosey and tend to make things my buisness ) But really this is hard for me.
Quote: Since I can’t deny that she the right to make her own choices, I have no choice than to accept that she can choose whatever she wants, whether I like that choice or not. I don’t like that she continues to have contact with OM, I would prefer she didn’t have contact with him, bit I accept that it’s none of my business. The only “right” I have is that of a having a preference, and I have a right to let her know what that preference is. She, then, has the right to choose to respect my preference, or to respect hers. It really comes down to respect. And who’s to say which respect should take preference ---- Respect for Spouse, or respect for Self.
I tend to lean towards what I think is the general public's view on this. I really feel this is where they should have respect for the spouse and the marraige. Especially if they do in fact want to work towards rebuilding like both your W and my H have indicated.
This is the way I look at if everyone knew about the affair. The family, the sport friends, family friends, ect. Do you think our spouses would really continue their "friendship" or "contact" with the OP? If they were being scrutinized don't you think they would choose to respect us and the marriage? That's where I have a problem I feel like they are being selfish in this situation. This is also where I struggle with MY choices. Do I want to chose to accept my H's choice? I just don't know sometimes. I guess what keeps me hanging on right now it this part of what you said:
Quote: I believe that eventually, when the WS finally reaches a point where they are back into the marriage, and they can once again begin to want to give and nurture the marriage, they will see the pain and harm the R with the OP is and has caused to the LS, and out of respect for that R will finally end contact with OP. That R will run its course.
But what will it take for them to get to this point, and will they ever? How patient and good and understanding can we be until they get there? How long do we HOPE for this?
I do like your thoughts on this though. You are on to something. I'm trying to sort it all out in my head.
Thanks for your thoughts! Laney
P.S. Please excuse my terrible spelling and grammer, I have no spell check!
) But really this is hard for me.
