Can't sleep. I have so much resentment in me about things that WAH has done/does which things I NEED to discuss with WAH in order to resolve, but WAH isn't ready to discuss an R/M issues yet. I realize now that I just pushed them to the side when this all happened because I really do love my husband. It seems to be all I can think about ever since WAH said he was "thinking" of moving back end of March. I need things to change, and no matter what I change, their will still be resentment and frustration that will come though if I know I can't discuss these things with him without WAH feeling like I'm blaming him and shutting down again. How do I stay positive? How do I keep the resentment out of my voice? How do I keep myself from driving/pushing him away? Talking to other people about what I'm feeling isn't helping either.
I need to tell my WAH something about what I'm trying to deal with, but except for my counselor and a few friends, most people on this forum seem to advice against talking to WAH about it. I feel like I'm in a catch 22, no matter what I do, I loose. I feel like my only option is to give up, tell WAH I can't deal with this anymore. He's free. I won't file for D, but if he still wants it he can have it. In my heart, I know it's just a last ditch effort to make WAH realize what he's loosing, but I also don't think it'll work.
No matter what I try, I can't stop thinking this way.
I want to call WAH and say try to briefly explain when (I said what I did last night, and let him know where the boys games are since he really sounded like he wanted to go last night until I blew things by making my comment. But what good will it really do? I just don't communicate well and I'm too opinionated at times.
Guess the only think that really makes sense right now is to leave WAH alone even more than I have been.
Need2Believe
Me: 45 H: 49 Married - 21 years SD from H 1st M - 30 S - 14 S - 11 Asked for D - 8/14/06 Found out about OW - 8/30/06 Moved out 10/14/06 Moved back in 4/1/07
