Need advice

[want2believe]

journaling....

WAH called me at work this morning, wondering if he should fire an employee that didn't show. I told him to call and give the employee one more chance as this employee has been hospitalized twice in the last month for medicial issues.

Didn't hear for WAH the rest of the day. When I left work at 4:30, I called a friend and arranged to meet them for supper after the boys practices. When I fropped my younger son at home, WAH as there. I didn't have time to go in though as I had to go pick up other son and take him to his other practice. I did call the house though to ask WAH if he wanted to join me and friends for supper. Didn't really want to ask, but felt I should make the effort since WAH had shown up at the house. When I called, WAH was busy on the other phone trying to get the new credit card reader to work. He sounded like he was busy, so I didn't even ask him if he wanted to join us.

When I got home, my son said WAH left long time ago, before our other son got home. As the credit card reader was still here, I decided to call WAH to see what was up with it and if I needed to do anything. WAH was still at business, trying to fix something else that had broken and wasn't having much luck with it. WAH said he also had to go into work yet tonight to run at least one test. It was already 10:00p.m, so I figure even on the bright side, WAH won't get home until after 1:00a.m. I tell husband that I'll just figure out myself then, how to get both son's to their games tomorrow morning. They both have games at the same time, but at different locations (like 30 min drive between them). WAH says he wants to go to their games. I indicate that he has so much to do though yet tonight, he'll be tired. Besides WAH hasn't even asked all week about their games until I mentioned it tonight. WAH gets pissed off and hangs up on me. WAH still has no clue when or where their games are tomorrow, and I refuse to call him back. WAH hasn't called back either.

I know I was wrong to call, but I wanted to know if WAH was going to be available to help get the boys to their games tomorrow or not. I probably should have worded things differently, but I can't just keep staying quiet about somethings.

My problem, I think, is I think way too logically, and WAH isn't right now. I don't want WAH to move back in yet because I know he's really not ready to. Part of me wishes WAH had never told me he was thinking of moving back in, because all I can think about right now is what I don't want to deal with or put up with from WAH, what I don't see WAH doing that I would expect of someone who really wanted to make things work, and I know I don't want to go through another round of WAH leaving again because he came back too soon. How do you do this without trying to discuss the R and what we each expect? What kind of message do I send him, if he is thinking about it, and I detach or advoid being around him more because I know he's not ready to talk about these things and I need to?

There just doesn't appear to be any good middle ground here. Guess that's just reality. I also know I need to work on my 180's of not thinking so negatively, and having that come across to WAH, but sometimes I just can't help it.