Don't have much time right now, so I'll just throw this one out real quick.

"to recover from an affair, the WS must completely cut ties with the OP."

This was one "rule" that I got real stuck on, and found that in trying to follow it, I couldn't make any progress. So, I gave it up.

I'm one that likes to "bend" some of the rules that aren't working for me, and so I "reframed" it as follows:

"In order for the WS to completely cut ties with the OP, you must begin to recover from the affair."

Until I began to "draw" my wife back into having an exclusive R with me, none of the ultimatums I gave, or boundaries I drew, worked very well.

It wasn't until I began to show her how good her life with me could be, how much she'd be missing if I wasn't around, if there wasn't an "us", that she decided to be rid of him for good.

Is this sorta along your same lines of thoughts, Z?

Last edited by Jamesjohn; 10/10/02 08:53 PM.
JJ

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