Need advice

[want2believe]

Afraid, thanks for your comments also. Yes, I will admit I do have a tendency to still let him run things sometimes, but I do speak up more than I have in the past about things I don't agree with, or just to present my views. I'm not doing anything though that I don't want to do, and I don't cancel my plans without spending some time thinking about the situation, and what I really want. Even then, it's usually a compromise of sorts.

Like Friday for example. WAH called, wanted to know what I was doing. I told him exactly what I had planned. He said he was going to ask me to go for a drink, but since I had plans..., At that point I told him well what I was doing was by myself, and I was only doing those because I wanted to minimize driving between the boy's practices. He didn't want to meet where I had planned, and suggested someplace else close by. We compromised on who would do what with the boys practices. I got to the place he suggested, and after 45 minutes - no show. I ended up calling the house to see if S was home and when H left. H answered. He was confused when I mentioned being stood up. He thought I was coming home to meet him and that we'd ride together. I again explained that I didn't want to be driving around because I'd already gone through a tank of gas in two days earlier in the week, something I'd told him earlier when we'd talked. H suggested going out after I picked up other S from pactice. I said we'd see. When I got home, H still wanted to go out, but as SIL was coming I said I needed to stay home to pick up the house. H stayed and helped pick up a little, and we had a glass of wine at home. W left around midnight then.

The things I'm working on changing are the things I want to change. I can control myself and what I change. WAH can't and doesn't control me. It just that I feel like the amount of change WAH wants out of me, is more than I want or am willing to do, which is why when I get depressed, that I talk about these things, and I see them as a negative for WAH not being ready to come back. Many times I'm just typing in my thoughs (both negative and good) to try and work out my real feelings.

I do try not to expect anything from my WAH, but it's hard sometimes when you do want things to work out, and WAH is making an effort. Then I get torn between working out something together, verses telling H to go fly a kite, I'm going to do what I want when I want regardless of what he thinks. I don't want to become what he is though right now, which is still basically only thinking of himself and his needs. That is not me and hopefully never will be me. I hope this makes some sense.

Right now I'm trying not to expect anything from H or for H to be around much since I know he is going to the banquet this WE. I plan on detaching as much as I can. I know OW has to be on his mind somewhat, as I know they still talk occassionally. He'll be so close to where she lives, how could he not be thinking about her. It hasn't been that long since they were last together. As I know H does miss me when I'm not around for while, that appears to be my best defense. What H does though I have no control over.
Is it the right approach? I don't know. I can only hope. I am also thinking of going out to see a band that night that an employee at work plays in, so I'm not home if H does a 180 and calls me while he's gone. Fat chance of H calling me though that night tho. I couldn't even get him to come to bed with me at the last racing banquet we went to together a couple of years ago.