Need advice

[want2believe]

Update on the last few days.

Saturday, WAH hadn't come over by 7:30, so gave up on expecting him. About 7:45 WAH walks in. I was a little surprised. He said he had been talking for 1 1/2 hours to a friend in WI about the snowmobile he wants to buy. Good news as he hasn't really talked to this friend much in a long time, nor has he had much good to say about him the last year or so, even though they've been good friends since they were kids. I took this as a good sign that WAH is starting to get involved again with friends he's pretty much dropped over the last couple of years.

Anyway, WAH also mentioned that he invited the friend he called to go to the racing banquet with him. I knew this was coming up, but he doesn't know I know about it, so I asked him some questions about when it was and were. I was a little dis-appointed that he didn't ask me to go with him, but I didn't say anything. I asked if F's wife was going also, WAH said he didn't know yet. I then asked WAH if he told F that he had moved out. He said "yes".

I got a little depressed at this point. Husband had been acting a little distant also again, so I backed off from touching him when he went to get us another glass of wine (he had wanted some). I was trying to stay positive, as WAH was sitting my me still on the couch, rather than in the chair. He could tell I was a little upset, and asked me what was wrong. I just told him - well you just told your F, and now all your F's where he grew up were going to know we're separated, and I haven't even told my family yet. He said he told F that we were talking still though. I then told him it was hard even knowing if he liked it when I kissed him, etc... He said he was just taking things slower, but he still liked for me to ask or show him I wanted to be with him. I didn't say anything. After a little bit he reached over and kissed me. I don't remember if he said he was sorry or not though. He said though that if I keep doing what I've been doing (changing) than he's was considering moving back in when his lease is up at the end of March. I told him that was his decision to make, that he needed to determine if he was ready. He didn't quite understand my reply, until I reminded him that it had been his choice to move out to begin with. Then he was like "Oh, I understand now".

I decided WAH not asking me to the banquet and telling his F about the separation wasn't that bad. At least he wasn't taking OW. I decided to focus on the good things I'd heard that night,and I let the rest go. WAH spent the night again, and most of the next day. Sunday he asked if I wanted to go with him and S to check out a spare parts truck. I was in the middle of cleaning something and said "No, thanks, but I have a lot to do myself". I'm not sure it was the right answer, but I also don't want WAH to think I'm going to drop everything just to always be with him when he wants me to. That's not reality, even if I wish at times it could be that way. WAH then spent most of the afternoon at the house, watching TV or sleeping. I would have preferred it if he had done something, even if it wasn't much, but it wasn't to be. Oh well. It's still better than the alternatives.

WAH called Monday and actually said he'd pick up S10 from basketball practice. That is un-like him, as I usually do all the hauling of our S's to and from practice/games, and I'd told him earlier in the day I could take and pick up S10. It was a nice change. WAH also worked with S13 on truck that night. I had volleyball (late game) and then stopped for some groceries, so WAH was gone by the time I came home.

I called my mom briefly. She doesn't know H moved out. When I told her he was working with S13 on truck in garage, she said it was about time he started spending more time with S's.

WAH stopped by again briefly last night. Dropped off printer he had borrowed which I needed. I had to run to the store to get S basketball shoes. Asked WAH if he wanted to go with. He didn't want to - said he was tired as he had class that day and the next two. He had to get up earlier than normal for it. I didn't have a problem with it, as I really didn't expect he'd agree to go anyway. He left shortly there-after.

Today - employee called me just as I got to work, and said two of the car wash bays weren't working. H in class, so I went to check it out. Based on some questions I asked, I determined it was probably because the hoses had froze. Sure enough, when I get there, they are. I thought WAH told me Monday night that he had turned on the weeps, but obviously he hadn't, or he turned them off again. A hose also broke, so I took it off to replace it, but had to run to the hardware store to get a compression ring as we didn't have anymore. WAH then calls, and says he's on his way. We get everything fixed and working finally. It does really bug me that he did something so stupid though. It's like he use to be more cautious, now he seems to take more risks with somethings. Anyway, I did nicely ask about it, (didn't blame or get sarcastic) and he said he'd turned them off because he didn't think it would get that cold. (Yet two nights ago, he said he was turning them on because it was going to get colder). Guess I need to ask, or check myself when I know it'll be colder at night. WAH did give me a kiss as we both left to go back to work.

WAH told S13 Monday, that he'd be over tonight to help S work on truck. I have bookwork to do, plus I have another volleyball game - late one - so I know he'll be gone again before I get back from it. He's actually eaten with us the last few nights also. I'm just taking things one day at a time. I just hope things continue to improve as they seem to be doing. I just hope at some point, he'll realize that it isn't just me that is/was the problem. I know what I did wrong and I'm working on changing those things. I'd like to hear him admit he's done some things wrong also at some point. One day at a time though! One day at a time.