I haven't been spending much time here lately, but I just finished reading your post. I understand alot of your thoughts and questions. I wanted answers right now, not sure what to do. Still I am not sure today my H finished his ride completely. He seems to leave in the middle. I tried to identify the stages with him and could never pinpoint how much longer he was going to put me through this. I do believe he had started his cycle about 10 years earlier and I pulled him out of it, which is why it is important you let him go through it by himself or he will start over at a later time. I know it is hard, but you really need to go on with what you want. Don't wait for him or ask him for approval, don't change your plans. I know you feel as though you are being a bad mom if you take the kids and don't let him spend time if he decides. Remember he moved out not you. Also my H did the not enough sex thing, but for some reason when he found the OW he tried to avoid sex more with me. Maybe guilt. He didn't know what he wanted, but said it wasn't about being with her, he just didn't know what he wanted. He will not leave the OW until he is ready and you obsessing about it doesn't help. It will only bother you. I do believe it stems from something that happens in their childhood. I thought my H could not get closure on something that happened w/ his mom since she died when he was 17. He just told me a few months ago this shocking story. I now think it was more he feels guilty about her death. She had died while he was upstairs in there apt. building when his mom died. She apparently called for help and the operator called back to see if someone call, for some reason called where he was. Not know they told them no one had called. She later died with out help. His brother blamed him for not being there. I still don't get how they might have called a different number, maybe there is still more to it. Anyway I know it is hard you working with him, but my H never left home. I lived with him. He also lost him job during this so I had to watch him be depressed-make dumb excuses to leave to house-probable to see the OW at times. Funny thing now 2 years later he doesn't seem to remember(at least to me) he did this. I don't bring it up-just by his reaction if I act like I am suspicious of any behavior. We are now building a new house.
Sorry I seemed to have hijacked your thread, but my point is it will take time and you need to let it. If you read my threads you will see how much easier it was for me once I ignored him so much.
