Need advice

[want2believe]

Well, I stayed home and spent Xmas eve with WAH and 2 S's.
I got to thinking about what I had said to him, about family being important to me, and if it really was, then I should be spending it with WAH and kids. Thus I told WAH that we would stay home and spend Xmas eve with him on Friday. My older S also wanted to stay home for Xmas eve, so it wasn't just me involved in this decision. The younger S didn't care.
WAH actually came over Xmas eve morning, and agreed to go shopping with me that morning for some last minute gifts from my mother (she's in a nursing home and can't get out). I think he enjoyed it, as he got to help pick out something for our 2 S's from grandma. He made absolutely no effort to help with Xmas gifts otherwise, except to get gift certificate for his D (29 years). He spent over 6 times more on his D than he did on me for Xmas (he got me one gift, but left the bag with the receipt laying around here at the house). Oh well - I really wasn't expecting much. I spent more on WAH than I probably should have, but we had been getting along better lately, and I just can't turn off who I am because he's being a jerk during this MIL he's going through. Anyway, we spent the rest of the day together with the boys, and he even stayed the night.
I left Xmas day for my B and SIL's house. WAH was still at the house when I left. He gave me kind of a strange look before I left, almost like he wanted me to stay, but I'd already thrown my S and SIL for a loop by agreeing to come a day later so we could spend Xmas eve with WAH. As I was driving away, I called told WAH that he was still welcome to come if he wanted to. He said he had to watch the carwash. His loss in my opinion.

Had a good time at B and SIL's. Came home late Tues night. Called WAH when I left, to ask him something about the business. Not sure if it was me or not, but he seemed disappointed that I wasn't home yet, and his attitude changed. He's been sort of stand offish since I've gotten home. He told me Xmas eve, when I asked, that he liked it when I treated him like I wanted to be with him.
This seems true to what I've noticed also about him, but since I've gotten home, he'll give me a kiss if I lean in for one, but it's a quick one, and he rarely initiates one himself. I know this isn't unexpected, but it is a little disappointing. I'm not letting it get to me though.

I did notice that he got an e-mail from OW the day after Xmas. He had sent her an e-mail first, after they'd apparently been playing phone tag. The notes were written more like they were friends, although her reply confirmed that he'd seen OW back on Dec 2/3, but he hasn't seen her since then. OW stated she'd rather talk to him on the phone though than via e-mail. Today I noticed he got another e-mail from OW. Although OW didn't suggest anything, I got the feeling she was feeling him out about what he would be doing for New Years. I haven't mentioned New Years to WAH at all. I figured I brought up Thanksgiving and Xmas. If he wants to spend New Years with me/us, then he can ask. If he doesn't I have other plans lined up.
Anyway, I wonder if WAH is a little more confused now with OW contacting him again. I got the feeling from OW reply, that WAH had called OW after I told him we could have Xmas early, as I was going to my B/SIL's - before I changed my mind and stayed and spent Xmas eve with WAH. It's got me wondering if I triggered this contact. Don't matter I guess. I'm not going to worry about it, just curious.

I did notice that WAH didn't ask me or the kids what we got for Xmas for other family members at all. He's definitely still into himself. I also noticed he didn't take all his gifts back to his place. He left three of them here at the house (and of course he hasn't put two of them anywhere yet, but left them on on the floor.) I'm not putting them away either.
I know some of how I treat WAH goes against what is suggested for LBS to do when WAH is in a MLC, but it seems to work, and if not, it makes me feel better about the situation overall. We do have sex, and WAH will cuddle afterwards. I can ask him things during these times, and I believe I'm getting a truthful answer. I don't push, and I try to be careful about what I ask. Neighbor yesterday (who knows what is going on), said that he's noticed WAH looking at me differently lately, like someone looks at a girlfriend. Neighbor also said that WAH stated something about how much I've changed lately. Of course neighbor didn't ask how, but stated instead, "Have you ever thought that maybe your the one who's changed?". She didn't want to hear WAH talkiing about me being the problem. Nice of her, but unfortuantely it shut him up entirely also.

Also, WAH always seems to be tired. He doesn't remember things we talked about the day before. Like last night, he left the neighbors at 9pm as he said he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. He told me he finished printing out some business cards though when he got home. Yet tonight when he stopped by, he fell asleep on the chair, snoring. He really didn't do much of anything today as he was just watching the car wash while they were installing a new garage door on the automatic wash. He also always says he has so many things to do, yet he doesn't get alot of things done he says he will. I know this is normal also for someone in MLC, but I think it's so ironic. I swear he must spend half his time alone, thinking, but then again, he could be spending it on the computer looking at porno (something else I noticed before he moved out, that WAH has a potential problem with).

Bottom line, is I'm doing OK at this point. If he doesn't want to be with me I don't push it, and just go about my business. He took one S over to his place tonight, as all of S's ipod songs are on the computer WAH took. WAH still hasn't told me his new address. Boys know where he lives, but I only know what town, not where, and I won't ask them to show me. He obviously still doesn't want me to know where it is. That's his choice. It's late, I should get to bed. WAH hasn't brought S home yet, but I'm assuming he's staying over night. Doesn't surprize me either that WAH hasn't called to let me know this. He never does call me to tell me when plans have changed for him, that affect me or the boys. I feel he's and irresponsible ass when he does this, and I mention it to him nicely. He doesn't seem to get it though, even then.
Will see what tomorrow brings. Just taking things one day at a time.