Need advice

[want2believe]

Knew it was too good to be true. No contact with H today until he showed up to watch kids while I went to volleyball. Walked in and started acting like he didn't want to get to close to me. He finally gave me a kiss on the mouth. He made sure I knew how tired he was and that he needed some sleep and had to get up early tomorrow again.
He out some leftovers out to eat and while heating them up, I asked if he regretted anything that happened yesterday. He mumbled something about He shouldn't have said some things. I didn't saything and
just went and started doing some chores around
the house and for the business before I left for volleyball. Twice he came by me while I was working and once rubbed my shoulders, but he did't stay more than a minute. I gave the boys and him a kiss before I left. When I got home, I told him "You can go and get some sleep now".and went back to working on the business chores I had. He got his coat on, and did come by me and gave me a quick kiss on the side of the mouth. I just told him to drive carefully. We seem to be regressing as time goes on.

It's obvious he still doesn't know what he really wants, and I refuse to chase after him. I can't change him, he has to decide on his own what he wants. I can only work on myself. I can see that it works to ignore him, but it also hurts especially after having a day like I had yesterday with H. It's also hard to be up-beat after experience this.

I know this is going to take a long time yet, it's just that
yesterday with H, with everything he said, was so encouraging, it's hard not to get your hopes up. I know this weekends opening season for deer hunting in WI, but that is also where the OW lives. He hasn't hunted the last 2 years - just hangs out with his old school buddies and has a few beers. Supposedly this is what he's doing this year again - but I wonder if that is really what he has planned.

He did ask me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure and said so. I suspect we won't be spending it together though, but then again, I know we've only spent 2-3 Thanksgivings together during all our years of marriage because of his going deer hunting. I just can't help thinking that he might be planning on spending it with OW though, even though he talked yesterday like he was going to break it off. It's just something in the way he acts that tells me on days like this, that he's not ready to give up the OW.

Enough speculating. I just got to move on with my life and see what happens the next time he decides for a short while he still wants me in his life. I just can't let myself get my hopes up too much, no matter what he say's. I knew that, but there were so many things he said yesterday that were positive about us possibly working this out. I still think we can, but I obviously can't believe much of anything he says, no matter how convincing he sounds at this point.

Thanks for letting me vent (and cry) here.