Need advice

[want2believe]

Not sure if anyone is reading these or not, but it does seem to help to write out what I'm feeling at times. Husband is supposedly coming over today to pick up the boys and take them to get mattresses for the bunk beds he bought for them at the duplex he's renting. He told me I probably need to get the front brakes done on my SUV. When I asked him where he recommended I take it to get that done, he made a comment like he could do it unless I didn't want him to. I just said, I know you don't seem to know what you want yet, so I don't want you do something unless you want to. He then stated he needed to do his truck also, and needed to use his tools at the house, so he'd do my SUV at the same time. I said thanks. I haven't seen him in over a week, and I want to but I'm also afraid of how he'll be around me. It hurts when he acts so distant like he has the last few times I saw him over a week ago.

Also, I went out of town yesterday to my nephews game. He called me twice on my cell phone and twice at home I guess because I forgot to adjust an employee's pay. I talked to the employee and fixed that this morning. I can see he's been working at work more than he has in a long time. I'm hoping that is good. He was working yesterday afternoon, but it looks like he left work shortly after I talked to him. Anyway, this morning when I woke up, the house was freezing. Went and checked the thermostat, and the house was sitting at 59 degrees, and set on cool. I changed it back to heat. I don't know how it got on cool - maybe one of the boys accidently did it, and don't want to say, but I can't help wondering if my H did it either.

You know it's kind of funny, he keeps saying he'll do all these things when he's here, more than he can do in a day. But like in the past, when he does get here, he doesn't really do that much, and seems to forget what he said he'd do. I don't say anything though. I've decided to give him a little more time to do certain things, just to see if he remembers, otherwise I'll just do them myself. I'm tired of waiting for him to decide he's ready to do some things. Hell, I've been waiting for 14 years for trim in my house. It always had to be done his way and when he was ready to do it, which never seemed to happen. I could never get him to agree to do one room at a time - he want to bulk order all the trim and even at one point, said we'd get it all installed in 2 weeks time. I told him he was nuts, but I was just cut down and ignored at the time. After this all started, and I mentioned what he'd said, he told me he'd never said that and that I was a liar. Actually anything I say that he doesn't think he did/said or matches what he observed, has become a lie. Forget about different perspectives - if he doesn't remember it, and I have no hard facts to back it up, I'm making up lies.

You know, part of me just wants to lay into him, especially about the OW. I want to make snide remarks to make him realize how hurt I am, but at the same time, I do realize this won't work if I want him back, which I do. I'm still trying to work on my tone of voice when I talk to him. Got to run, H is just pulling into the driveway.

Need2Believe