Quoting Zebra: So, we explored this thing about making it safe.... Andy, are you smiling about this??? I am and was!!!!!
Oh Yeah!
Quoting Zebra: I had become so secure in assuming no trust, in having no expectation of her being trustworthy, that I underwent a small crisis in realizing that I would have to expose myself to potential dissappointment again. It scared the living Sh-- out of me. They both really, really, understood what was required for that leap of faith.
You’re one strong dude, Z. This post brought something I once told Mattie to mind…
Something struck me about what you and your MC agreed upon…
Quoting matilda: I'll just keep trying. Like I told MC today (and he fully agreed), I'm the stronger one in this relationship. I guess it's up to me to heal us both
You’re in control, that’s true. But don’t underestimate your H’s strength. Control and strength aren’t the same thing. You’ve alluded to it before in your posts… that the easy way out for your H would be to throw up his hands and give up. It would be easy for him to say, “I blew it. It can’t be fixed, so I guess it’s time for us to move on (separately). He’s showing a lot of intestinal fortitude by trying to work through his feelings.
About a year ago (May 24, 2001), I wrote a letter to my W. This is – in part – what I said:
Quote: I depend on you more than any other person. But, that’s not a bad thing. You aren’t my whole life, and I have the strength to depend on you. Yes, it takes strength to depend on someone. In order to do that, one has to be aware that if something happens to take that person away, one has to be able to carry on, and eventually fill the gap left by that person’s absence. Yes, I’d stumble, but I wouldn’t fall.
I love you more than ever. You’re my best and closest friend. I want to grow old with you. Not by stifling either of our activities or friendships, but by nurturing ours.
I love you dearly.
Andy
I’ve ceded most of the control in my R to my W. Does that make me weak? I hafta tell you that it takes all of my strength sometimes. You’ve read my posts. You know it’s true. When I was in control of my R, it was easy. Did that take strength?
Gotta say it again. You’re one strong dude, Zman!
Quoting Zebra: so, C was amazed. W acknowledged that I read a lot, that I have worked hard on myself. I began to tear. C pointed out that this was such a gift to W. W could not resist coming over to my chair and hugging.
Very, very nice, Zebra. I’m so happy for you! Your strength is paying off.
