Well, we talk about all the kinds of thing you talk about... that friends, or partners talk about.... Work, the house, the yard and gardens, bills, my business, her business, the kid, the girl scout troop we are co-leaders of, food, shopping, the US Open, Christmas, her Alzheimer's stricken father, investing, retirement, what color to paint the guest room. We go to the movies, or shopping, or to a restaurant, or for a walk in the woods, or to play tennis, or to yoga.
We almost never talk about OR, specifically about OR, except in C, and then is where I learn how she feels she "want's to feel in love with me", how she wants to not "cringe when I touch her" to hug her. How when I touched her breast in bed a few weeks ago that it felt like I was "copping a feel". How having sex with me (which has been a long, long time since) made her feel like a whore, a feeling from the past that colors her thoughts of the present and future. So, when I believe we are starting to feel closer, in C I'm told how far from the mark I am. She NEVER says a word about OR outside of counselling, and rarely within.
In the context of how can I be "dating" her while she's "seeing" another man??? Well, as far as I know, she's not "seeing another man" if I read your context correctly, but in contact with a former lover whom she has not let go. They are not dating, but I'm sure she's comparing, and can't see that that's happening.
This is a really hard discussion for me, because I have spent a long time forcing myself to stay out of her head, of not trying to figure out what she thinks. But when you run into silent stonewalls repeatedly, and see progress in so many areas of our relationship but not in basic intimacy (and by that I don't mean physical, necessarily...), I can't help to sometimes wonder why.
I'm not really so bad off about this... I chose to write about it because of I was so obviously bad at hiding my thought about it to W. If I'm going to "let something go", I've got to teach myself to be a little bit less obviously bothered. I believe our little talk at dinner opened new doors of trust and respect that will pay off. I believe I again opened a new door to showing her that this relationship is "safe".
