I think you misunderstood -- my point was not that you shouldn't want a caring and supportive H. Rather, it was that your reaction in the case seemed to be coming from a place of pain pre-H, from the position of an injured child.
Look, you really were OK. You coped with a difficult situation very well. If H had been unreachable for some good reason, you wouldn't have felt neglected. What is going on is that you want more nurturing than you are getting.
This certainly does not mean that you are not a strong, compassionate person. You almost certainly are, having salvaged an M after an A, to say nothing of anything else.
It does mean that sometimes, you, me, all of us react to situations based on old hurts. Understanding this is more than half the battle. It frees us to quit reacting in an old way and respond to our spouses as partners, as adults.
This is what people are suggesting -- direct, unapologetic communication about what you want in terms of nurturing. This can really change the entire dynamic and result in an R in which you are both happier and having your needs met better.
You don't always want to have to be strong. THIS IS FINE. The thing to change is how you seek the nurturing. Seek it from an equal partner, not from a fantom parent. Acknowledge your desire for support directly! This is NOT an easy thing to do.
For strong people, it is hard and scary to admit to wanting nurturing. It is a huge emotional risk and it takes a lot of trust. But, if you avoid addressing this need directly, then the harmful patterns of interaction between you and H with respect to this sort of thing will continue. If you take the emotional risk and wind up getting what you want, then you build trust and intimacy to boot. For, you are really then sharing yourself with H and your M becomes part of the healing of your emotional scars.
Again, wanting nurturing, caring, tenderness, support, even rescuing sometimes is OK. The trick is to turn it into a positive experience so that you are getting what you want and your H has a realistic opportunity to feel like he can do enough.
