NDV, Ellie is a physician, if Pam hasn't told you that, and has been very generous with her knowledge and insight for as long as I've been on this board. I'm glad you have shared the information on your conditions, because maybe you can find some help there.
My questions about what your H SHOULD do were meant to get to some of your underlying beliefs about yourself, him and your M. Sometimes people with medical issues feel "less than" and look for their partner to provide what's needed to be OK or even "more than".
One thing I've learned is that if we want something from someone, we have to ask. We have to verbalize. We have to say, "Honey, I've locked my keys in the car and I'm scared because I haven't eaten and I have no food. Can you come help?" Or, "Honey, I'm feeling overwhelmed by my medical situation and I need XYZ from you. I'm exhausted from trying to be strong and act as if it's no big deal. It's a big deal to me, and I'm struggling. Can you help me with this?" (this may or may not be what you're thinking -- I'm just illustrating and not trying to put words into your mouth).
Unspoken expectations erode marriages.
The Five Love Languages book is really marvelous and could be useful for you. But I think some self-reflection about your underlying beliefs would be extremely helpful as you go thru this passage.
If Azure was reading this, she'd suggest Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is"! That book has helped so many people on this bb. It's helped me so much that Katie's process is a fundamental part of how I live my life.
Hope you feel helped with all this input. How're you doing?
