To me seeing you and Mrs.Cobra go thru this is like watching Ceasar Milans apprentice work with a redline dog.
Yep, I’ve often felt like that.
The important thing is that you dont associate your successes to your reactive anger and think that is the correct way to deal with it. When you react you need to realize that she has hit a sensitive spot and you lost control of yourself. its understandable, but not acceptable.
I have never reacted to anyone else the way I react with my wife. With anyone else, the mix is different, so different reactions take place. (Also, kids aren’t involved.) I have no guilt about my reactions. They may not be ideal, but that’s me. She has her role in all this too.
Oh yeah... your wifes remark about not mixing emotion and sex. Very telling. IMO she is afraid.
That is my read on her comment too. This topic is a long way from finished.
Help her thru her fear, by showing the way with your actions, not pushing and shoving her ahead of you.
The work I have been doing, the reading, the posting, the conversations, have all been my way of leading. The problem with leading is that the other person may decide not to follow. So then you need to either push, or throw a rope around their neck and pull. But as I mentioned on Lou’s thread, doing nothing will result in D.
Its a process of desensitazation. you cant force a big heaping helping of fear and newness all at once and expect success or the outcome you want.
Yes, which is why I feel the adult attachment ideas have merit to them and go a long way to filling in the gaps that the other approaches have. When I put everything together into one package (MWD, Schnarch, Harley, IMAGO, Deida, Block), and I feel I have a tool that I can use to move forward with.
