[MJontheMend]

Furthermore, Susan Johnson says in her book that “normal” people can become traumatized as adults in a dysfunctional relationship. There are plenty of people on this board who can attest to walking on eggshells, afraid of the next explosion by their spouse. These are people who did not exhibit that behavior before marriage, only after the abuse started.

Interesting. The thing that sometimes makes me feel like it is my marriage that is traumatizing me rather than that I brought my trauma to the relationship is that I have never ever been a "crybaby" in any other context in my life. Not as a child, not in school or work environments, not in other relationships, not even in my relationship with my dysfunctional mother. Usually when I face confrontation I either remain cool, calm, collected and good-humored or I fight back. Also, my sister has told me that she thinks that dealing with my H has changed my personality that I used to be much more confrontational myself. We were at a booksale recently(a very tooth and nail competitive environment) and another dealer invaded my "turf" and snatched a book that I was looking at. I reflexively firmly chastized her for her behavior. My sister laughed and laughed because this was behavior more like the big sister she used to know not the wimpy push-over I've somehow become. This is why I've protested when you've presented this vision of me as a nervous,nail-biting,eager-to-please little girl cowed by her angry, manic-depressive mother. I definitely displayed some dysfunctional behavior in my youth in reaction to my mother but it was more along the lines of "F*ck you. I'm going to the roller rink if I want to. If I can't get a ride, I'll hitchhike and probably score some free weed from the driver 'cause I look pretty hot in my new jeans."