I am so happy to see a whole lot more of "we" in what you are are saying. There used to be a lot more of "I" and "she".
FWIW - I think the idea of "two healthy differntiated adults" is an ideal - all of us bring a certain amount of dysfunction with us. If we are lucky we bring dysfunctioned that have healed to some degree or another. There are many times when H or myself behave in a way that is so disproportionate to the sitch we will actually say, "Wow honey, that reaction just seems extreme. What does this sitch remind you of or why do you think that is?" It does help. See, I'm not totally against FOO.
