[LostGal]

Cobra, I envy your research. Where did you get your degree? Many C's have been accused of misshandling ppl. They have had all the education in the world. They may not have the good intent but they do have the education not to error. In light of that, how can you justify

So I enabled her. But as W must be strong and dole out severe punishment if necessary to this student (at least as strong as they will allow in school, which does include physical restraint), I must do the same. Yes, that means that I, like her, must push, push, push. Once those rules can be respected, relationship building can begin. But not before.

H has tried to show strength to prove his masculine/manly roll. I have rebelled. I now have to heal too, where before all that was necessary is for him to look to himself (job loss and all). I heard an expression that seems to fit here. "Getting the toothpaste back into the tube" Trying to rebuild spirit and goodwill is so difficult after the fact. I don't doubt that she needs help. Likely you need some modification too. Maybe the kindest way would be to let a professional distant from the relationship take control of it. Whatcha think? It's kinda like medicating a dog over a long period of time. Sometimes the "bad guy" should be shared within all the ppl in that dogs life so the dog doesn't learn to hate the medical giver. Sometimes that falls only to the vet.