In lots of ways this boils down to what is the greater good. Is it better to insulate the kids and keep this destructive situation going, or is it better to bring it all out into the open and resolve it. Divorce will bring it all out anyway, it is just a matter of time. When to cut bait and bail is something I have long wrestled with and I think W has done the same. But I can only evaluate each at a time and make a decision based on where things stand at that moment. Maybe it would have been better to have divorced years ago. But at that time it did not seem so. A few years from now it might seem better to have divorced today. But right now it still does not seem so.
The kids say they do not want a divorce, and I believe them. So I do everything to push this marriage forward as best I know how. I have made mistakes and I am sure I will make more. But I will move in one direction or the other. That is not to say things cannot get worse before they get better. If you know with certainty that path A will keep things relatively quiet, but eventually in end divorce, will you prefer that over path B which will save the marriage, but only after things first get much worse? This is a subjective value judgment that we each must make. So far I have believed there is a path B. Tomorrow I might not think that anymore. I continually watch that fork in the road.
