Neither one of us really wants to D. I really believe that. Pulling the kids into it is a powerplay. We both know it is wrong, but in the heat of an argument, people do a lot of wrong things. We have tried a lot to not argue in front of the kids. This time I think she felt she had no choice. I saw her actions as a sort of desperation move, but also one playing into her FOO, sort of holding up the pain of the kids and screaming how much they hurt, which is really saying how much she hurts.
You will not get a satisfactory answer from why the kids get dragged in. They just do. It is wrong, but it is wrapped up in all the other stuff we are trying to resolve.
Cally,
I don’t think my wife has to trust me and I told her so. If she cannot trust, then she should have the guts to file. But if she wants to keep the marriage together, then she will have to find a way to trust. That is her problem to work out. I am willing to help by addressing her complaints and trying to make myself vulnerable. It is her choice to go with that or not. If she decides to not trust, then I will eventually file.
At this time I am willing to give some time to work this out, since I think his is all a deflection on a grand scale. But my threat to divorce is not hollow. Had she not been open to talking Saturday night and listening to the books, had she not sent out some clear signals that she did not want to divorce, then I would have call the lawyers on Monday. The paperwork is already prepared. It just needs to be updated. There is nothing holding me back at this point and I think she knows that.
