I guess I say that more because I see you trying to force her walls down ("What I am doing is forcing her to stop deflecting, confront her own issues")....this is trying to force her walls down. The walls cannot come down without trust, as we've already agreed to right? Well...if you are trying to force her walls down (or force her to take her walls down)...then you are in effect, trying to force her to trust you....indirectly.
Cobra...you CANNOT do this for another person She has to do this on her own. You can call BS on her, you can encourage her (and perhaps these are the things you mean) but you cannot force her to do anything....that is controlling her behavior.
The only way a person will face their own issues is because they want to. I know my H and your W aren't the same people....but my H could have spun our wheels as long as he chose to. The more I pushed him to confront issues deep within himself, the firmer he held steady refusing to talk. Even though I could see he had stuff running through his head and so did the MC....he wasn't going to let it out.
I also agree...each victim faces issues with a different set of skills. FWIW, my self-esteem wasn't always what it is now....it's something I've had to work on....very hard. Due to my own FOO issues I felt "not good enough" for a great portion of my life, I felt inadequate, ugly....and dumb. However, as I worked through my issues the self-esteem improved.
