I disagree with this statement (I believe that trauma victims like her cannot build up trust on their own.")
My H endured his own traumas long before I came along which resulted in several failed marriages prior to me because of his behavior and the women he chose as a result. I also endured traumas in my own life that would cause many people to withdraw completely....many women have chosen alternative lifestyles because of what I endured. My H....has (and is now) building up trust...of course he is doing it with MY help now. However.....I built up trust on my own. I have/had MAJOR FOO issues with my own father that I have dealt with on my own. I have had MAJOR issues with men in the past....that I have dealt with on my own. I'm not going to go into the different traumas I've endured....but some were pretty horrific. So no, I don't buy this statement ("I believe that trauma victims like her cannot build up trust on their own.") They can build up trust....BUT you cannot force someone to do it, I really don't believe you can. You may disagree with me...and that's ok. All I can say is that if someone had tried to force me to trust them...I'd have felt that they were trying to control me, and I would have resisted. It would have in fact caused me to mistrust them more.
If I had tried to force my H to trust me....he too would have resisted (saw him do it). His behavior in fact got worse when I tried to force his walls down. When I stopped forcing him....and backed off walls started crumbling. Sure, this was after our big blow-up where I discovered his activities....but even those activities were based in part on his resistance of me trying to get him to do something he wasn't ready to do.
When I stated my boundaries as to what I wouldn't accept in our M and then backed off....accepted him for who he is....the walls started crumbling down. Now that I think of it both for my H and for myself.....being accepted for who we are was key to getting those walls to crumble.
