[MJontheMend]

I'll take GEL's analogy one step further. The fact of the matter is that your W views you as a horse that needs training as much as you view her that way. Perhaps exactly as much. So you are the trainer and you are also the horse and the horse you need to train is yourself because if you don't train your own horse you can be d*mn sure that your W will do it for you. Think about it. What if some Freaky Friday Wife Swap event took place and you woke up tomorrow as Mr.Gel. Who would be the trainer and who would be the horse? It has nothing to do with your particular W and therefore nothing to do with her particular FOO issues. I'm not saying that you would necessarily be equally happy or unhappy in any pasture but your best bet for being more happy in any pasture is to concentrate on the problems you bring and the blinders you may have on. I'm not really slamming you here because I do think that you are aware of this. I'm just reminding you where to concentrate your effort because the way you think about the problem does make a difference in how effectively you can solve it. The trick to training your own horse is to realize that self-validation isn't always positive validation. It's okay to tell yourself "These are the top ten ways that I am a cr*ppy spouse" as long as you are willing to accept your limitations and/or work towards change. Train yourself to be a better husband rather than trying to train your wife to be a better wife. Don't do it because it's the "right" thing to do. Do it because it will be a d*mn sight easier and will serve you better in the long run even if some Freaky Friday Wife Swap from h*ll occurred and you ended up married to someone like me .