[MJontheMend]

It goes without saying that we are selfish parents. Any narcissistic family setting is selfish.

This is an interesting way to look at it. I feel like I've in a way made too much effort to protect my children. After my H's big "I hate my job. I'm going to quit." blow-up this weekend, I was sitting at my computer where I usually work just feeling dejected. My 18 year old son walked into the room and said "Hey, you better get it together. You're the only reliable source of income around here." thereby cheering me up with his semi-joking, highly aware statement of his own continued dependency and selfishness in a less than ideal environment. Of course, childhood is in a sense an invention of our society. We grant children the right to be selfish until the age of 18 or until they graduate from college or until they are old enough to work on the farm or in the pickle factory or until we die if we are highly fused parents. I think anyone who is telling themselves that they are staying together "for the sake of the children" should examine exactly what they mean by that. In your situation, Cobra, I don't think it is wrong to consider the benefit an amicable as opposed to a contentious divorce would have for your children. Though perhaps this isn't a realistic option at this point since parenting is something you fight about in your relationship.