Hi Sherman thank you for checking in we have MC tonight and I am very nervous I get sick thinking of the things she will say that are versions of truth but not the truth... she is a lawyer and I feel she is making her case. Both her mom and dad have been divorced 3x. She is the product of the second M for both. Her half sister and her both married men with no divorce in there families. Her half sister has been married for 25 years is my friend and how I met my W. She has Father issues of abandonment... Big time. When we were together with her C her C said you have never been honest with or had an honest conversation with your H of 10 years. Go to MC and at least find out why you were drawn to each other otherwise you will regret it the rest of your life... This I believe is the only reason she is in MC. So she can say she tried. She told both her IC and the MC that she wants the D.
We are now going cause its the only place we talk about substance.
She was nice last night and this morning folded my laundry even.
If anyone sees this please reply if you have advice for MC... I go in 2 and a half hours... Getting that sickening anxiety feeling.
Well I did pretty good last night. Went detach and last resort. She wants the D. The MC asked why she had no real answer. The MC asked if there was someone else repeatedly and she swore NO. So the MC said why should what your going through on your past ruin your marriage. She really had no answer other than that she could not share it with me or anyone. Basically we got sorta close on a weird level cause I stopped fighting her. The MC talked about what D would be like... the specifics. W is still adamant but I was well detached and she broke down at home and I comforted her as a friend and did not make it about me. She is going to look for a place for January to move into and she wants me to keep the house and buy her out. Hopefully I will be able to do this.
Santhony Lissett sherman33 anybody out there your thoughts please.
Sorry you are facing this. It hurts like heck. It is pretty typical. They just have to have a D. They either can't explain why, know why but won't say, or have someone else on the side. I'd be willing to bet there is many things my W kept from her C or she told her C everything which is why she didn't want me to see her C.
It sounds like you did a good job. But she seems adamant to get out. This is going to be a tough time for you, I'll be honest. You have to detach from it as much as you can and try to be a friend to W when she needs it. Regarding M/R - all you can do at this point is let her know you stand for your M and if she needs to talk - you are open to talking with her. At this point, you should not initiate any R or M talks. Let her intiate any talks about the R/M. In the mean time, GAL, do 180s and try to keep the PMA up as much as you can.
As you point out, not giving them anything to fight seems to back them off a bit. It takes two to fight and argue, as soon as you learn to bend in the breeze - you can free yourself from this.
Pray the serenity prayer as much as you can. Remind yourself that you cannot control anything about your W. All you can control is yourself. Treat any time you have to work on yourself as a gift. And no matter what, do not allow the spew you may get through this process to damage the good memories of the one you fell in love with.
Pray my friend and know that you have others here that care about you and will be praying for you too.
God bless you Santhony. Your post of course made me cry... everything does of late. Prayer has helped my Father through his illness and I welcome prayers from you all. The only time I lost it a little last night was when she said how upset my neice (her sisters daughter) got... I have known her since she was born 27 yrs ago before she was my neice. It hurts to lose your other family as well. I feel like I should call my neice and by BIL and SIL but am afraid it will get back to her and sound desperate. Her brother is very religous and I would welcome his prayers though.
There is nothing wrong with asking anyone for prayers - prayers for your M, prayers for your W, and prayers for you. Especially if you had a close R with these people. Just don't talk about the sitch - just ask for prayers. If they want to talk - let them do the talking.
Well here is the latest update... We are getting along fantastic since we have agreed to D. She is looking for a place and the home appraiser is coming tomorrow. We are friendly and talking more and will go see a movie tonight. The is my last resort, can't beat em join em, if you love it set it free, kill em with kindness etc. She told my friend that the hardest part for her is losing her best friend. She said I hope we can stay friends but I don't think he will. Well once it is over and done if some miracle doesn't happen after the seperation. I won't be friends. How can you go from husband lover to buddy. I can endure it now because its the only way to get through. Anyway there is some power in decision and it feels better and more detached now I feel I some how have more power through this. Appreciate any thoughts. Still hopeful but not getting any hopes up. Once she makes her mind up she doesn't bend so...
Well got the house appraised should have the results tomorrow. I am pretty detached now I have really come a long way in the last week and a half. As it stands now I am at the acceptance stage and quite frankly want it to be over and to move on. I cannot invision a way that she could win me back at this point. We are very friendly and have been talking more than we have in the past six months. But knowing that she is friendly because I am (as usual) giving her what she wants is no fun. Having her around is just a reminder of who she used to be... like a ghost.
She wrote a letter to my parents telling them how much she loved them and that she thought of them as her own. That she loved me and hopes we can all be friends! My parents cried (they have been better to her than her own family) then my father got mad and wants to write her a letter. i told him to write down what he wants to say and go over it later make sure it says everything. He feels that if there is not OM than she is sick mentally and ruining her life. I said she is but reaching only drives her further away.
Would love to hear from Santhony Fixer Lissett and anyone else.
I think you should advise your dad to NOT send a letter. Nothing good will come from trying to tell her that she's wrong. She's following her feelings, and when you tell a woman that her feelings are wrong or invalid...well, you might as well tell her she's stupid! That's just the way it works!
Off Topic - Your screen name....do you play Blues or just a fan?
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
Me? Just a fan. A huge fan. Everything from Son House and Blind Willie McTell up through Joe Bonamassa and Keb Mo. Pick an era or style of Blues and I probably have it in my collection of Blues.
Sorry for the hijack. If you'd like to chat Blues we can go private so we don't bore the hell out of folks readin' your thread. <----Blues smilie
<----Blues smilie