Just got back from a steak dinner and a couple of Johnnie Walker Blacks. Thanks Saint Anthony I do feel a bit better. Boy letting go of that physical connection is a mother, but it has been a long long time, longer than I ever went when I was single!!! so.... as far as candle scents go I gots no clue... sandlewood? pine? scotch?
She called this morning and didn't leave a message. I called her back after a shower... not right away. She was pleasant wishing me a nice holiday... good roads good weather no heavy topics... I ended the conversation and I was cheery. DETACHdetachDETACH!
Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. I sure did it felt so good to be with friends and family.... people that love, like, and respect me. Gotta say I did not miss her AT All! Wow I haven't had any time away from her in months and this is almost something I could get used to. So tired of reading her all the time feeling a bit more detached... and loving it.
Monday night is MC so if anyone has any ideas how to best work that I would appreciate it last session kicked my butt.
Glad you had a good Thanksgiving. Detaching does help as you have already seen in a short time. It will be hard, but you really don't have much of a choice.
Regarding MC, maybe I forgot to mention this before. Are you both in IC (individual counseling)? I wonder if going to MC right now is a bit on the early side. One of the reasons there are M problems is that one or both people are simply unhappy. Sometimes it takes IC for one to help them figure out some things before MC is beneficial. I guess the fear is going to MC too early and W just saying "see we can't get along, this isn't going to work, blah blah blah" It sometimes fuels their decision to leave. I never got an opportunity for MC, but I wouldn't have went just after the bomb - because I needed IC first. Just my opinion. Just assess the MC as is it helping or it is hurting. Too early can be a hurting factor.
I hope it goes well with you. I'll check back in later.
and I'm proud of you, detaching does work wonders doesn't it!
Thank for stopping by my thread sweets, that made me feel so happy.
have a great day ok!
as for the MC, I don't know what to tell you, I mean maybe let her get all her crap put first, and even tho you are in MC try to DB as much as you can by validating!
HUGS hun
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Thanks for the input. We are both in IC. She for almost 5 months. Me for 2. When she started her T told her not to do anything major (like move out) for 6 months. I went with her to her C and she told her C she wanted out. Her C said to my W.... you are not supposed to make any major decisons for 6 mos. so I want you to get MC for the next two. Like just going through the motions. Now I am a little worried after what Santhony said. She may just be more convinced than ever. Aw crap this sucks.
My wife has changed jobs hobbies carrers more often than anyone I know. It used to be our joke her mother used to tell her she could be anything... we always joke and say "your mom said anything...not EVERYTHING." Anyway my Mother has always said... I just hope she doesn't decide to do the same with you... Looks like she has.
Hey Santhony been thinking alot about what you said. What do you think about telling her hey lets finish your IC and then if you feel you want to see MC we will but whats the point now if all she wants is the big D? Your thoughts? or anyone elses. It might be a good 180 sorta last resort strategy. Stop the pursuit and change the game.
This is just an idea so please think about this and your sitch. What you could do is tell her something like:
"Our M is very important to me and I realize that I have contributed to our problems. I intend to improve myself and my life. We both deserve to be happyand I’m still committed to develop myself into a loveable, attractive human being. We can dedicated time to MC in 2 months after we have done some more work on ourselves in IC first." Then ask her "What do you think?"
Again, this is just my humble opinion. I don't know what might help in your case.
I hope things improve for you. You do sound better.
Hey Santhony thanks for stopping by. She called a couple of times while she was gone and of course I got my hopes up. I actually did like you said this morning but she said she is strong enough and wants to go. I think she feels she should get on with it. I said listen I feel like I have been pressuring you too much why don't we finish some more IC and we will see if we want to persue it later. She said she will be in therapy for years. Wow. Then she told me she told her mother and sister about it which just made it that much more real to me.... I kept it together and then went for a walk with my dog. I ended up outside of church listening to mass (had my dog so couldn't go in). When mass was over, I had been praying outside for guidance, I wandered around the crowd and ended up talking to a woman and then I broke down. She pulled me aside to talk. Turns out she is a T and one with faith. I told her what was happening and she said... sounds like your wife is having a MLC!!! The other Ts always look at me bland when I say that. Anyway she helped me immensly and prayed with me and helped me understand what stage of grief I am in and many other things.
My father has been very ill the last 6 months and faith prayers and family is what got him through. My sister and I were talking on the phone right before I met this woman about that.
If you believe, believe more, God is out there and all around you. I wish my W had faith because it must be very empty without it.
I will be attending a small faith group there next Sunday.
In my sitch, my wife start IC for 5 months (the guy she saw was pro divorce - but that is another story). We were in MC for 6 weeks. As soon as the MC started digging a little she bolted (I'd also found out about an EA that was happening about the same time).
But I know my ex was very uncomfortable with the MC. She has intimacy issues and the joint therapy was very threatening to her. How does your wife do with sharing here feelings with you?
Quote: She said she will be in therapy for years.
This is a VERY true statement. There's years of behavioral patterns that have been laid down and it takes years to work through them. What was her family of origin like? Were there any emotional issues?
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
