"My struggle is not so much with the separation as it is with the perpetuation of our unhealthy, dying relationship. My wife refuses to believe that she, in any way, has contributed to the demise of our relationship. In her world, it's all about me changing. She is the ultimate judge and has unilateral authority to assess my performance."
I know it sucks (believe me, I have been living this nightmare for over 3 years now), but this is *normal* behavior for a WAW/MLCer.
They are prideful and downright abusive. They are judgmental, self righteous, never wrong, and the entire world is against them. We are to blame, they are nothing more than an innocent victim. To put it bluntly, they are mentally ill!
We hope and pray that it is only temporary and it usually is. Someday (we hope) they will wake up and be sorry for all of the damage that they have caused. If and when they do, they will be at a point to work on a relationship.
People do get through this, but it is very, very, hard and it typically takes many years. If you ask me, however, it is worth it -- particularly if there are kids involved.
If you can detach and find happiness in your own life it will make the wait easier. You don't need to worry much about what you do or say, time is the key. Of course it makes sense to minimize conflict, but beyond that nothing you say or do is going to matter much.
