It started with her atty having spreadsheet info that was taken off my computer without my permission, and shown to me at the first 4-way meeting Thursday. W has never really done anything that over the line before: I've really had no reason I couldn't trust her with basically everything. So that little voice started gnawing on me: perhaps all the warnings from my atty and others were true, don't keep her name on accounts that she could damage if things turn ugly. She had opened up a completely separate accounting system from mine, complete with credit cards, checking accounts, PO box and storage locker to hide all the mail (and who knows what else) in. And then snuck $10K into it over the last two years. So after I find she's digging for files, I was uncomfortable having the accounts where my paychecks go shared, but the account where her paychecks go private. Basically, she broke trust for the first time in our M (and D).
So Friday was my birthday and the kids and I were going to go out. She called me on her way home and I told her to meet us there. After we finished dinner, we were finishing off our drinks, and I told her that I wanted the checkbook for my account and the credit card for that account, and and that if that was a problem she could add me to her credit card and checking account. She said that she couldn't afford to pay for everything herself. I said I wasn't asking her to pay, that we would sit down each month and pay everything off, but that I wanted the checkbook. Several very negative things were said in the next minute, and then she says, after the nice time we had last night you're treating me this way? Before I could respond, she smashes all the glassware on the table on me! I found myself covered in water, ice and glass! Her wine glass was hit so hard the base and stem were still on the table, but the bowl where the liquid goes was gone. I was soaked from neck to knees. She grabbed her coat and stormed out of the restaurant.
The kids were in shock. Luckily they were at a table next to us. The waitress came over and asked if I was okay, and the bus people came and started cleaning up. Someone brought me a towel. I paid the bill and we staggered a bit shocked out to the car. D14 had a friend with us and D14 is apologizing to her friend that she had to see that. I started driving home and D14 mentions that I am shivering. Well, yeah, it's 40 degrees and I'm soaking wet. I turned up the heat in the car.
An hour after we got home W shows up like nothing happened. I had crawled into bed and turned on the electric blanket to warm up, but had the light out when she came up. She crawled into bed next to me and went to sleep. I had a difficult sleep, wondering if something else was going to happen. I know it's a bit irrational, because she really isn't like that, but I couldn't stop the thought from staying in my head.
In the morning, as she is wont to do, she got up and starts in on me as I'm sleeping, very early. Topics included: the collaborative D is definitely off, I will get served at work, I'm a pussy for getting cold on the ride, she has now lost trust in me, she is changing the driver for the boys to arrive at 6:30am, cutting into my breakfast time with them, when we are D I will be restricted to very formal visitation and will not get any more than that, and basically, I'm an a--hole. Then, a few minutes later, okay, we will do the collaborate D, and at the next meeting we will discuss the checkbook. I just say, "Whatever" each time, because saying any more than that just makes her fight harder. Jeez, I wonder what will happen if I ask for more than just the checkbook to my own account???
So now, she's shown a violent streak, is making serious moves to limit my time with the kids and is threatening to have the collaborative D stopped (after about $10,000 has been retained) and start a full nuclear exchange. And who knows, what if the flying glassware episode happens again and one of the kids gets hit? I decide I need to see if I can get the episode on record with the police.
I call them and they ask if I want an officer to come out to the house. No, no, I just want to file a report in case she does it again. They say I can come to the station and report it. I go there and talk to an officer and tell them what happened and they ask if I want her arrested??? No, I just want to get something in the file that I hope we never have to see again. Well, they can't just take my word for it, they have to do an investigation, which will mean talking to her about it. I say, okay, then just forget the whole thing, I don't want to make the R any worse than it is. They say, sorry, the cat is out of the bag and they have to talk to her. I could be making the whole thing up. Damn.
So, I give her a heads up that the cops will be coming over to talk to her about Friday dinner. Of course, she is upset, and then hangs up and won't take my calls. She tells me later she was calling her lawyer. I go home and she arrives from being out with the kids and goes from belligerent to very scared and crying. Then she starts in on me: "Are you proud of yourself?" "Are you happy this happened?" "Do you feel like a big man now?" "I guess you're going to use this against me in the D, aren't you?" I ignore all questions. We are both very sad and scared. Things have gotten WAY out of hand. The cops arrive and do their interviews, and though the stories differ slightly in interpretation, she basically confirms my story.
After they leave, I go to bed, and she goes to bed down the hall. In the morning, I go running, and when I get home, she has the checkbook and the credit card ready for me: she has written a $4000 check to her personal account and left me with $32.
Of course, this led to a huge fight, and I go take a shower and get some food. After I eat, we go through he bills and she shows that yes, she did write a check to her account, but she immediately paid all our bills with it and even though she has several $thousand in her account, we have bills coming in that will basically eat the whole thing. I ask why she is not just leaving the money in my account and letting me pay the bills and she says she didn't trust that I would pay it. Right, she's the duplicitous one but she's worried about me paying.
So, I let it go because our monthly throughput is well over the amount she moved, and I will be taking her name off the accounts Monday, so her "transfering" funds to her account will not be occuring any more. Plus, it will, in theory, all get balanced out when we settle.
The rest of the day, she is cold, telling me I am definitely not her friend anymore, and ending almost every sentence with the phrase "... unless that will make you call the cops on me." We will not ever have dinner together again, we will not ever be getting back together, and she did laundry this morning and separated mine out so I have to wash it myself. I went to tell her about my morning run and she refused to hear it: "We are not friends anymore, I don't want to hear about your social life." The new kitten is out of kitty food, and she refused to get pick any up while she's out: "I'd have to pay for it". The kitten is my daughter's, but is supposed to go to my new house when I move, so I am technically responsible for it. Wow, she sure showed me!
And, I turned on the password for my computer, and so did she (funny how when she gets caught being naughty she feels she needs to protect herself).
Is that enough for one post?
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
