Suddenly, a small ray of hope

[built4speed]

Long time no post. Nothing really new, still on the D trajectory. First atty meeting is Thursday. I was planning to move out this week, but just not comfortable with how the atty meeting might turn out. If she is reasonable about things (hard to really tell at this point) then I might be able to go, but based on some things she's said (like she doesn't see a reason to settle for anything less than she can get in open court - then why are we doing a collaborative D?) I need to keep all options open until the framework (at least) is set up. Basically we'll divide assets 50-50 (although the last time this came up she wanted the house and then everything else split 50-50. That is a non-starter for me), but CS and visitation are not settled yet, and I find any meaningful discussion just ends up with her screaming at me. She did say we need to work out most of the details ourselves because the attys together are at about $10 a minute. But so far, that has not been possible. So I honestly don't know if we can do a collaborative D, because I don't know what she will insist upon. She swings from completely unreasonable to seemingly reasonable pretty fast, but anytime we discuss it it's pretty unreasonable. I do know that her having a job changes almost everything, but just how much I'll need to wait and see.

I asked to talk to her yesterday and she broke down when we got alone, saying she is not sure this is the right thing, etc. After she calmed down, I asked her what she wanted to do. She wants to have the first two atty meetings and then go to dinner to reassess. But the plan of record is to proceed with the D. I do know we need to be apart for some period of time. She is pretty codependent and needs to reestablish herself independent of me. Then we will see how it goes. I told her I am proceeding with the D until she tells me she wants to do something different - I am not pursuing anymore. She has had many pauses in this, but always settles farther away from me, so until she can really commit to come back, I need to move away myself. I've spent over two years now and she hasn't significantly improved her issues, and I'm done with this crap.