Suddenly, a small ray of hope

[built4speed]

Yeah, I get a bit of that too, with the small things a reason for ending the R ("I don't think I can stay with someone who shows so little respect for me by not cleaning their desk."). If something major ever happened, I don't know what she'd do.

I wouldn't describe my life as "walking on eggshells", but now that I think about it, I did have a bit of that. It was often very unclear what would make her mad and what wouldn't. I remember reserving a mule trip to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. It was expensive. I called and told her what I'd done, not knowing if I was a hero or a goat. Turned out she really liked it. But I honestly didn't know which way it would go. I once bought long stem roses (might have been for our first anniversary) and got yelled at for spending $80. I to this day cannot buy her presents, because she almost never likes what I get her. She just buys things and tells me they are for her for Christmas. Okay, good, saves me the angst.

I'm bumming out about what to do next (for my next R). In my divorce class last night, the stat was 75% of second marriages end in D. Basically anyone who can keep an R going is still in theirs, and the ones who can't are all who are available. I never figured I'd be in that category: my parents are even still married. D was never even the remotest option in my head. Everyone is my small group at the class is really messed up: one gal, her father killed her mother, then he died a month later; others have addictions, loser husbands, or grew up with daily violence in their homes. One guy just sat there with tears the whole time, I never did get his story. Is this the typical dating pool I'll be diving into? I can hardly wait.

It's so weird: on my way home from the D class, W calls all cheery and asks me to stop at the store to pick up some items, like everything is normal. She is still making my dinner, doing my laundry and we went to a movie Saturday night. But then she goes down the hall to sleep. And our atty meeting is set up for Dec 1, and I'm looking for a new place to live.