I haven't posted in a while either as I've been learning more and more about how ill my own W is. One thing I wanted to interject though was something from a few months ago. I think back then I suggested that it sounded like some personality disorders going on here and have to agree with Tom here. I think you should take a look at them again. The same cluster includes narcissistic, borderline and histrioninc disorders. I think your W shows a lot of the signs of all 3. (which I understand is not unusual) .....unfortunately, knowing this doesn't help you fix your R. In fact the more you learn about personality disorders, the more you understand that spouses can do very little to help the ones they love. The ill person has to realize they need help themselves. I've also found that general counselors are not very good at dealing with these things. She will need a serious professional. At some point, since your daughter is already engaged in the discussion, I might even make the descriptions of these illnesses known to her (daughter) so she knows what to look out for.
What the understanding has done for me is that it has allowed me to understand that this is not my fault and its not at all personal. She is simply ill and as much as I would like to help her it is out of my hands. So for me its all about trying to stay supportive and hoping for the wake-up call. I do not, however have the emotionally abusive situation you have. If the kids were still unaffected I would encourage you to stick with her and try to support her, but since the kids are feeling the impact I would tell you to get yourself out and give the kids a safe haven when they need it. I have no doubt that the kids will see where their safety and their future lie. W might not even fight it much if she is working now. If someday W wants to renew her realtionships with yo or kids, you can require she gets help first. My vision for you now is that in a relatively short time frame, you will be a single, full-time father and your W will slowly drop more and more out of the lives of your children. A tragedy , maybe, but maybe the healthiest thing for them as well as you.
rhoch
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
