Hi Amy, Yes.. what a healthy and honest remark.. sensible, down to earth, and I think true from my current experience. We force self awareness on ourselves I think.. We analyse, we examine, we are often savagely honest and strip our feelings and motives to the bone.. We see faults, weaknesses and we ask help and support in coping and working on these things. We open ourselves to other's scrutiny.. We try to improve ourselves in many ways.. We hope and we aspire and we GAL and try to hold on to , and build our identity and be a strong and happy person again. When and if hope fades, we are in a strong position.. We are on our feet standing strong and true.. Not head in sand. Now I think I am seeing my H in a different light. As a sad pathetic person who betrayed his whole life up till then.. Who still thinks he is winning.. but is sad and missing on the true gold of life and family and love. Who will with time see, if he lets himself see.. just what he has lost. When he was here he was pathetically eagerly repeating old family jokes and sayings, events.. and I saw him clinging onto this past.. Still precious to him. but he destroyed the fabric that held it all together..
How can he live with this?
He must have told OW about our sons and their lives.. family anecdotes for her to repeat to them. How did that feel? Was he unscathed? The laugh is.. most of the family humour is from me, and laterly the boys. He loved it but was not the originator. He repeats my sayings, funnies and our events to her.. She must feel something here, listening in to the family she destroyed. Maybe she enjoys that.. ? I think she is pretty thick skinned.
He cannot make new family scenes.. While I am still in the family and we make new jokes and histories and anecdotes! My sons, their girls and I are very close. I know they love and respect me. That is mutual. We are all the closer for what has happened ,and they have said they are so happy at how I am coping.. my new life, friends and relationships.. They repeat this every time I see them.I am the one who has benefitted here.. not H. So Amy.. let him go.. wander into the outer darkness and you blossom in the warmth of your family and friends love. We care and we share it.. We get it back tenfold in the end. I feel no love or true care is lost, even if it seems at the time unanswered. In the end some good will come of it to us and others.
Amy, enjoy and be happy.. That is our message for the New Year.. Be happy and spread that happiness as far as we can! It grows and it warms, and it brings a golden harvest. Love N hugs calder xxxx
