Hi Calder, A belated Happy B'day from me too! You are a wonder woman!
How odd that your h keeps cancelling these meetings. Nothing you can do about his excuse making exercises but it does not make him look like a winner.
I hope you are better now at not letting the anticipation rattle you. Good of you to be sympathetic - but what option when he claims illness? Wish I was there to share the home cooked meal and help you with not letting it go to waste. xxx Amy
Well you are welcome anytime girlfriend! We had broccolli and parmesan soup, and Chicken Marengo.. with chantarelles I picked wild in the woods and dried myself.. Yummy!.. Sun dried tomatoes too! New baby potatoes and green beans, with herbs. Just get yourself over here!
Yup... Mr Gut Bug was not up for this delicious meal! His loss!
I am just sad he did not come tonight as the house is just bursting with flowers, chocs,cards and even champagne for my birthday!
Annie and I had a great evening!
I am better now that I have moved on, but still get the ups and downs to an extent.. PTSD..
But life at work and home so busy that I just keep on going.. Tomorrow Christmas meal for walking group..I know it will be hilarious..
Then busy Sat with NG and also my friend J. Then out on Sunday on another lovely coastal walk!
I also have to get in some Christmas shopping! The secret for me is to have a line of goodies, things to do, people to see, a mango bath, whatever to keep me going, I go on hand over hand along my line when things are heavy.. Otherwise life is good! Take care,
H did not turn up.. phoned to cancel..This time he had a work meeting he had forgotten about and next week too. So,planned for Monday next, 18th. I will see!
Otherwise will be after the festive season I think. I maybe should have delayed it further.. but really want it over to enjoy my time off. He sounded flat again, but friendly, quieter. He has seen S27, for birthday meal on his own I think.. So hopefully the message ,of no OW,has got through and I do not need to give it now. We had a super birthday evening at Chop Chop again. S27 says he is getting addicted to it! When I told H, after he said he had seen S28, he seemed taken aback that S28 had not told him. A bit quiet when I said Chop Chop again, as he too loved that place.. Maybe he feels he is missing out. I said I will post the photo taken then, and he seemed pleased about this. I know he loved our family nights out,always such fun.Now he misses out on them all.It must hurt.
I am sorry you have had problems with your line, a real miss.. we do get so dependent on it! Still out and about with new guy at weekends. Latest ploy is mountain biking. He has new one.. so I have dragged mine out.. Just a cheap one.. not very good, but we will have a trial run on Saturday! Goodness this relationship just keeps getting more and more healthy and fit making! Walk also on Sunday.. but then after that Salsa dance party. Hmmm! I have never Salsa'd before!
Well.. I am going for it ..60 now so no looking back! Doc colleague said "50 surely!"
Well I better practice being sultry and sinful. I will try the salsa and see how I get on!!
H phoned tonight to say sorry he did not phone last night as they were back later than expected I had completely forgotten he was to phone. However he caught me rushing in from an exciting Tribunal.. Where we set a new precedent, and I then had to do a quick diversion, to avoid an accident pile-up on the motorway coming home.. So I was all excited and breathless rushing for the phone and blurting all this out..
Just stopping by to say Hi. I saw your posts and got to thinking about when I joined this forum, and how you were
one of the very first people to truly help me. You sound as though things are going well for you. I wish I could say the same.
H has charged so much up on his credit cards that he may have to file bankruptcy. I and my attorney are very worried about what might happen to our house if he does.
Also his not paying on things that are joint may ruin my credit as well. Trying to protect my interest, but I am afraid that will push him even further away. Since I gave him the papers to purchase the house, I have not heard from him. Before that he was in almost constant contact.
Only time will tell.
Just wanted to say belated Happy Birthday and Happy upcoming Holiday's. I am glad things are going well for you and your S's. I am glad you have found a male friend. I too have a friend whose wife died and we have great talks. But there will never be anything more.
Thank you for your kind post and good wishes. I am so sorry you are in such a bad place with H and finances. I sincerely hope that it will work out. Often the worst does not happen , but by then we have suffered a million catastrophes in our minds ,as we always imagine the worst, and prepare for that.
I know I do, and wish I could just stroll through life with a shrug! Is there anyone there you can get financial help and advice from? I agree you must protect your interests.. After all he knows that. It may not push him away as he will expect you to do this. Sounds like he is in a mess and maybe head in sand, till he knows what is happening. You can bet he will be trying to cover himself.. I think they have to respect us too and if it is too easy they do not even think of us in it.
Enjoy your new friend! That sounds good! The companionship, company, shared activities also is what matters.
NG and I had this talk re our vulnerability,baggage and decided to go for the fun, not at all serious.. but to be the nice escape for each other doing the things we both enjoy so much.
As I say, I have to remind myself that this is fun and light, and act accordingly.. He is not a spouse or new partner, but a close pal.Need not to get too intense. We are also there for each other if need ,but both very independent folk.
I know when I meet H on 18th, his face will light up, and he will again become my husband in a way. We will gel instantly, chat like nothing has happened, and be laughing and aware. He will love the meal I cooked for him, as he does the cooking for her. He will be helpful and friendly.He will enjoy the visit..A nostalgia trip..
Then he will change back to "her man", get up and go. I will have a week or so of roller coaster.. no matter how strong I feel
I suspect he feels bad about it, but not to change his mind in any way He will be too ashamed to return, admit error, hurt anyone else.
He also will be too afraid of ending up lonely and alone, as he was happy to see for my future. He seems more able to show affection, now he knows re NG, probably he feels I will not be looking to come back, and safe. Suits me at present as he is still well out there.
I have no hopes at present.. I know from B in L that he worries about Alzheimers,as Dad died of that, maybe wants me around still in case OW does not fancy caring role!!
You as last-resort caregiver? Not bloody likely! Tho I do know of a woman that happened to, a friend of a friend, her H went off and many (many) years later returned, ill, and they are back together, her caring for him . . ..
About salsa -- did I miss it, or have you tried it yet? It is not difficult to learn at all and quite fun! I gave a lesson to the family at Thanksgiving (on request)! It's one of my best dances and the one I generally start w/ as a warm-up at my lesson. In down times I know if I put on a salsa CD it will MAKE me get dancing to it and improve my mood (endorphins of course). Highly recommend it!
-- Karen
P.S. - One of my salsa CDs has a Scottish group playing one, pipes and everything but still salsa -- very cool!
Thank you for your post. I posted a reply but it does not seem to have got through!
Just to say that OW does not seem a very warm caring sort.. more pushy and controlling! So H may well find if he is less than well ,he gets scant sympathy! As he is a bit hypochondriacal this may grate on him!! Or on her too!
If he does get Dementia later on in years ,she can have the joy of that! I had the young fit and happy guy!
The salsa was a good fun night ,but not for the dancing! It was all only salsa, not mixed as we were told, and the stars of the class got up and did their stuff, which sort of put us rookies off, as the others were watching.
So we just played the party games and had a good fun evening to ourselves as we do! A pity as I do enjoy dancing, but it was fun as it was. I could just see you up there salsa-ing away! Wish you were over here and could give us lessons! What a laugh!
S27 and his G/F were over on Thursday night, from 7 till 11, and tree was dressed etc. We had a really wonderful happy evening. They are so happy together,and so loving and fun with me. S27 said he had managed to see his Dad alone.
I told them it is OK re meeting H, as they know, or OW,and that I seeing H on Monday. My attitude being positive and upbeat.
They were fine to talk. I did not ask, initially, but what came out was that they had been forced by H to go for a meal, and meet OW. They said, “ we really had no choice” ,to get some money he was giving them, as I was, for house repairs, at a time they were very hard up. S27 said it was very strange. I said bro and sis in law had said she was ingratiating. S27 said OW kept saying things to him ,about himself ,which she knew that H had told her..and relating anecdotes about him, or finishing off anecdotes H told about S27,to prove she knew all about him. They both thought this was very weird. Feels like she is still desperately trying to push into the family. It put them off anyway. They are saying they do not want to have to meet her again. I just said up to them, and that S29 thought she was weird too and did not wish to meet her again either. Meantime I am keeping friendly with H who was being good re cash etc.and that was going OK. I did not intend being bitter or vindictive as that was a waste of my life and I was going to enjoy my life all I could. They totally agreed and said they were delighted and thought I was doing great.They said they would be happy to meet new guy too and were just delighted I had met someone.
I said that I was not going at present to introduce them, as that felt heavy, and I want to keep this friendship light and fun as much as I can. We both need that at present, to escape the grimmer side of life. If it lasts it will then be time to meet etc, but I felt it may well not, but still just make the most of the caring company and fun times. Anyway will see!
Thanks again Karen, and keep on tripping the light fantastic through life and enjoy!!
