Thank you for your lovely supportive, helpful post!
Well do you know it really did not bother me as it did last time sleeping in that bed.I just slept quite well! Still feeling one of the family, and not missing H as he now is, much as you describe with R. Well ,info gleaned from In laws is that OW is very intense, keeps trying to ingratiate herself with them, and Mum. I told them about sons and G/F responses. Of course they say OW is too heavy about it, and being obvious.It puts them off ,from what they say. They also said they stayed with H and OW in their house which is VERY noisy and in a very rough area of the city.They did not like it ,and S in Law wondered to me how H ,who loved the countryside all his life, could be happy in a crowded ,noisy corner of the city.They also wondered what he would do when he retired in a year's time, as he has given up all his old interests..and OW who is younger than him, intends to work on.
I did not ask any questions about H, nor was I critical, other than saying I no longer contacted him, left him to contact me, as I had no need to be in touch,and it was best to have no contact as I ended up hurt ,as he could be so unreliable, not reply for weeks,or keep promises, so unlike the guy he was. S in Law agreed. They just spoke and said what they felt, and I did not comment much.I said I keeping things friendly for boys etc.
I did hear that H has had dental problems recently. He had root canal work, and developped abcess, very unwell for some days, on anti-biotics.However he did send that birthday card.
Well ,yet again his health has been chancey, while so far I remain horribly fit and healthy.Noted by In laws. I bet they mention it to H from past experience.
Thank you for your thoughts about my present feelings! I think you are so right!
It is a revelation being my own person, not indebted, and responsible to no-one.
I worry less, am not anxious as I always was, no longer always looking for approval, but just doing what seems right to me and usually it works, and folk respect me,on my decisions and actions.
My friends see me as I am, and they and family know I am reliable, and always there for them when needed.. I am responsible for all of my life, work and home, hard work at times, but I can manage it, and proud to do so. As for NG, he is just so good for me.
He is so totally different, the opposite of H, and it is a completely different, independent relationship. He is quite a quiet guy, while H is very articulate.Quite a challenge for me. I play it by ear, but we just get on together in a mad kind of way.
A close friend of us both from the group ,was laughing at us as we joked and bantered together, saying we were " both such sad ,mad folk.. but that's why you get on so well together!" ,as we are so different in every other way.
That is "sad " in the sense of pretty daft humour! You know, punning , and such like. We both have emotional baggage and are aware of it, so keep it light and gentle, and not intense. It is an escape ,a fun thing for us both.
I do at times find it hard. There is the feeling of wanting to run back to an intense, close ,committed,secure, familiar type of relationship.But I know this is not possible.It is a fantasy. We are both wounded,vulnerable.
Neither one can rescue and hold the other, as we both need the rescue.
So we quite literally ,walk and run together through the heather , across the rivers,and over the rocks,laughing and being happy together, and knowing we are there for each other, when needed.
Because it is so.. we can hold back and not make emotional demands of the other that would not be fair, could trigger hurt or fears. We are running on making good vibes. How long it lasts does not matter so much, but the joy is that it works so far. Yes of course at times I fear the end of the relationship, say if he is extra quiet, slow to reply to emails or texts. I can panic for a bit, feel a need for security. I know he does at times ,similarly, as if I back off a bit, slow to reply to his emails, etc,he gets very polite and hesitant. But then nothing nasty does happen ,and we meet and are just happy together. You have been here before, as you say, but it is new to me. It helps having him in regular contact, by texts,emails during the week, as I do still get lonely at times,but much better at enjoying my own company, now less afraid of it..
I am much more relaxed and confident chatting with other men at work, and socially now.. A boon from having so many lovely pals in the group, as I used to be so timid..
You sound to be in a great place now! Enjoy the flirts! We will see! I think there will be someone stepping out from the shadows, and taking your hand, in the forseeable future.. and I know he will be a great guy! Meantime you are having a good free life!
I hope your daughter is OK...I know how that must trouble you,cause pain.
Already you have saved her,done so much,cared so much, but for our children, we will walk fire. Thinking of you,
