Well,just back from another amazing hillwalk ,in autumn glory.
Over the Eildon Hills, among the remains of Roman hill forts.. and the place by an old tree where Thomas the Rymer made one of his prophesies, hundreds of years ago.. in the thirteenth century.
Fun and friendship and walking in the open wild places.
I would never have got here, in any sense ,if WAH had not dumped me. I do have an acute sense of the natural beauties,harsh but rewarding, not blurred by other thoughts or fears. I can give myself to the moment as never before.
I am my own person for the first time I can remember. I do not filter my thoughts dreams and opinions through anyone else's expectations.. or needs. Thank you H for this precious gift.
I still rage at being dumped after nearly 40 years close together...
But I have a new life with other rewards. Not what I wanted ever.. still pain and grief and loss and missing.., but at least I can be me, and whole, for a lot of the time.
That is a gift.. a freedom, me in a kind of wild state. I have developed my humour.. my character, my confidence! I do not recognise myself at times.. Not so much the mousey, caring,considerate, compromising, often deferential wife.
I am losing much of this.. Of course I am more assertive .. snappy at odd times..there is a down side too! I trust less, more cynical.. more cheeky, take a lot more risks.. I am I think more fun to be with and have a lot more friends..
I now am more confident in myself as a woman again.. not as a wife.. an adjunct.. but as a woman on her own. So.. still lots to go for, still big sad times.. but moving on and getting somewhere that is good, if scary at times.
