I'm wondering what happened to the original boundary... ???
Quote: I never thought that I could be attracted to another woman, but I am.
Now you know how it feels to be in your wife's shoes.
Quote: My problem is that I still havent seen the remorse. It's like she wants to ease back into our relationship with no risk to herself. What about MY RISK ??? I simply don't trust her at all right now, and can see that she isn't willing to take on the responsibility of helping me to regain it. She doesn't understand the idea of her having the burden of being accountable and reasuring me when I get suspicious.
What about your risk? I believe YOU are the one who is in charge of that. Your wife has no burden of accountability nor of reassuring you... and she has told you time and again she wants to go SLOW, be friends with you, and see the OM whenever she wants, see if things work out between you and she. You are the one who is accepting this. And that is fine. No judgements.
But again, your actions are not being consistant with your words. Of course she isn't being consistant (she's never claimed to be). I know, I know... but you say you are a man of your word, and that sounds very important to you. Saying one thing, and then doing another is a problem... first for YOU, and then for her. My friend... you either want in, or you want out. Make THAT decision first, and then make sure your actions support that decision. You said you did not want to be involved with her if OM was still in her life. Yet... you still see her... you still talk to her... you have not filed for D... AND now... you are dating. This isn't even close to the original boundary. (In her mind, I'd say it probably puts the two of you on an even playing field, and makes you sound rather 'holier-than-thou' if you call her on any of her behavior, kwis?)
And yes, I think it is a very good idea to go and see your counselor... you've gone and gotten yourself attracted to someone, and now you are really confused. And that 'attraction' chemical bath running amok in your system is only going to complicate things unless you get a grip on it.
I know I sound rather harsh, but truly, I do no mean to come across this way. You waivered on your boundary... on your integrity, on Who You Are and What That Means... you have to find that, define it, believe it, BE it...(decide that before ANY female enters into the equation, k?) Make decisions based on what YOU want in YOUR life, and then go for it.
Quote: I don't need her to make me whole anymore. Or any other woman for that matter.
If this were truly the case, then why are you confused... and attracted to another woman?
