yes, I know it makes no sense to be dating anyone. I never thought that I could be attracted to another woman, but I am. But thats besides the point right now. My problem is that I still havent seen the remorse. It's like she wants to ease back into our relationship with no risk to herself. What about MY RISK ??? I simply don't trust her at all right now, and can see that she isn't willing to take on the responsibility of helping me to regain it. She doesn't understand the idea of her having the burden of being accountable and reasuring me when I get suspicious.
I keep thinking about how long it has taken her to come this far, and I feel like if it takes you THAT long to decide that you want to be with me, then why would I want you? I really am very confused about this at the moment. When she was busted, I was ready after a few days to take her back and build our M back, then when OM got the boot from his W, She took him in and told me to take a hike. She told me to go find me someone else. I didn't. I did everything I said I'd do and nothing I said I wouldn't. I was lonely as hell and there were days that I could barely function. All this time she was having a great sex life with OM. Now that I've gotten a life, gotten back to myself, I'm better than ever. I'm healthier, more confident and self assured on my own. I don't need her to make me whole anymore. Or any other woman for that matter. I think that when I get up later today, that I am going to make an appointment with my counselor to discuss my mixed feelings and hesitance. Maybe we should both be seeing the counsellor and openly discussing our feelings. Maybe THIS time she would be real, instead of B.S. ing like before.just journaling.
