We had a nice time. She just left. She did enjoy the family thing, and everybody made her feel welcomed, as I knew they would. After the Dinner, we came home and both fell asleep while watching a movie. We woke up and watched a little tv before she left. I didn't ask her to stay, but inside I hated to see her leave. She's only been gone about 15 minutes and I miss her already. However, It's also very frustrating to have her here, becouse I want to be with her (ML) and she just doesn't let things go too far in that direction. That's VEEEEEERY frustrating! Seems like old times Oh well, on to GAL. My friends from the beach are in town and they want to go bowling. That should get my mind off of her for the evening.
Oh well, at least she spent the night. All I got was an hour and a half at a restaurant. Though it did go well.
*M:50 WAH/PA:47 *M:29+ *Bomb:10/13/06 *Sep:10/17/06(me in house) *H wants D-11/30/06 *01/08/07- Me - NG, New R *2/26/07- filing of D *5/29/07- D final *08/25/07- Me - New R ends. - is ex-h living with OW? *D:32, S:24
We didn't go bowling, but we did visit with the friends and had a lot of fun just talking and joking. This morning W called me about 8am and was worried becouse the check engine light was on in her car.I told her to come by and let me look at it. Couldn't find anything wrong, so she went on to see her brother as she had planned. Later, not sure what time, probably about 10 am she comes in and says she was feeling sleepy and dizzy and feel asleep in the bed beside me ( again, fully clothed ^%$%$#$#^! LOL) and we woke up about 1:30 pm. yes, I was up late, and I've been on night shift. Well, she gets up and leaves. I haven't been snooping much lately, but I was curious and decided to check the cell phone records. It seems that maybe she sent him a text message as soon as she left my house last night and he called her back a little later. They talked several times last night , totalling about an hour. Some of the calls came as early this morning as 4:30 am. No wonder she was sleepy! I'm not going to mention it to her, but I feel like I had backed off just a little and now I see that was wrong. Actually I knew it was wrong when I did it, but I really wanted her to go to the family dinner with me. Oh well, back to GAL and asserting my boundaries.
I don't know exactly what's going on, but something is up with the W. It seems as though she turned cold on me again after wed. night. She has stopped persuing me, and is talking to OM again. I believe they spent the night together last night, but can't prove it. I'm thinking that maybe she snooped around on my computer wed night and saw the phone records or maybe saw that I had a Myspace page. On our way to Thanksgiving dinner, we were talking about tattoos, when she said that I should get one with a wolf coming out of a sheeps skin. When I went back and read the letter she wrote me a few days ago, she had written a line about how she had never trusted men before, that she thought they were all wolves in sheeps clothing, and how I was different. So, I think something made her decide that I was just like all the rest. I don't know, just all speculation. All I can do right now is make myself happy. If I keep chasing her and trying to please her, I'll just end up being pulled down again, and getting stomped on.
I have been talking to a few women lately. It's really nice to have them wanting to talk and go out. I haven't been out with any yet though. But after being pushed aside for so long and feeling unwanted, this is a nice change. The only problem is, that I don't really want any of them. I want My wife. I miss her, and when she's around, I want to touch her and hold her, and sometimes that creeps her out. That hurts. I really wish she would just talk to me, and say what's on her mind. Sorry, just journaling and venting.
I haven't posted on this thread in over a week. I have been very busy. Alot has changed since then also. My wife and I had a very long talk last night about our relationship. She wants us to start out slow and build from friendship all over again. She SAYS that she is not even talking to the OM now. They still work together on the opposite shift though. All of the DB stuff is working. It's not quiet where I want it to be, but I have been able to tell her what I need to see from her. See, Now the problem is that I'm the one who is ambivelent about reconcilliation. I've seen her go back to OM too many times. The length of time it has taken her to decide that she wants to be with me, really bothers me....alot ! She still wants to use the abuse issue as a reason for her slow decision. I'm not falling for that. I do take all of that into consideration, just not gonna let her use it as a crutch. there are still some things that she is not ready to do for me, and I told her that I could see that she was not willing to step out of her comfort zone for me.
I have been talking to and dating other women in the last week or so. It helps my self esteem ALOT . I'm not saying that I would choose any of them over her. I love my wife and I know that she loves me, but I wonder if that's enough. I'm worried that once I let go again that she'll start distancing again. I'm worried that she's not ready to deal with what it takes to put the pieces back together. But one of the biggest factors for me is the resentment over how things played out after she was busted. There's alot more small details that I wont bore you with, but I was wondering if anybody else has had this situation to deal with. I will say this: I am a complete believer in The Divorce remedy techniques. I've watched it work 1st hand.
Hey BigB, so where are you at with all this, I'm confused why you would be dating right now? I understand the trust issues and the concerns about what will happen, but will it help you improve your R dating right now? Your W wants to work towards rebuilding the friendship, and then go from there, so does she know your dating?
If the DB principles are working and it is what you chose to try and do to salvage your M, why look elsewhere when you should be working on getting what you need from your W? Are you saying that you are done with your M?
Just trying to get my head around what exactly you are saying here.
Same thing I asked from my long post on 11/16. Still not sure I understand or buy your reasoning about dating other women, which makes it difficult for me to try to offer advice. In any case, I understand just how tough your sitch has been on both you and your wife, and I hope it works out for you.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
yes, I know it makes no sense to be dating anyone. I never thought that I could be attracted to another woman, but I am. But thats besides the point right now. My problem is that I still havent seen the remorse. It's like she wants to ease back into our relationship with no risk to herself. What about MY RISK ??? I simply don't trust her at all right now, and can see that she isn't willing to take on the responsibility of helping me to regain it. She doesn't understand the idea of her having the burden of being accountable and reasuring me when I get suspicious.
I keep thinking about how long it has taken her to come this far, and I feel like if it takes you THAT long to decide that you want to be with me, then why would I want you? I really am very confused about this at the moment. When she was busted, I was ready after a few days to take her back and build our M back, then when OM got the boot from his W, She took him in and told me to take a hike. She told me to go find me someone else. I didn't. I did everything I said I'd do and nothing I said I wouldn't. I was lonely as hell and there were days that I could barely function. All this time she was having a great sex life with OM. Now that I've gotten a life, gotten back to myself, I'm better than ever. I'm healthier, more confident and self assured on my own. I don't need her to make me whole anymore. Or any other woman for that matter. I think that when I get up later today, that I am going to make an appointment with my counselor to discuss my mixed feelings and hesitance. Maybe we should both be seeing the counsellor and openly discussing our feelings. Maybe THIS time she would be real, instead of B.S. ing like before.just journaling.
