You are in a tough spot man... tough spot. Normally I would advise someone to go along if their spouse asked them to do something. However, you have laid your boundaries and kinda have to stick with them. I don't know it that applies to going to relatives for holidays or not. That is something I think you have to rationalize for yourself. Sorry I can't give better advice there.
However, one thing to think about... Your wife feels safe in this other relationship, that is most likely why she is hanging onto it. How is she going to see and feel improvements with you if there is not interaction with you. It is a catch 22. I do not disagree one bit with you establishing your boundaries. I think this was a good thing for you to do for yourself. However, again it makes it tough to move forward in a way too.
Thanks K, youre right. I think if she asks me to go, I will, but I will not ask her about going. She is coming over in a few mins and we are going to go eat and shopping. We'll see what happens from there, and I'll keep ya posted. Today is the Alabama/Auburn game and its played in our town, so traffic is gonna be hell.We may have to be out for awhile ! Also LOTS of partying going on here tonight. I wonder if she is gonna want to go out .
well folks, we had a really nice day together today. She came over about 11 am and we went to eat at the mall and went shopping all afternoon and then went to eat supper.Then we went back to my place and she washed clothes and I left to carry my son his birthday gift we bought him. When I came back, she was asleep on my sofa. When she got up and got her stuff ready to go we ended up laying on the bed for some nice moments . Then she went home and I went out to meet some friends at a bar. I had asked her to go, but she wouldn't. She had to get up to go to her folk's for dinner. She didn't ask me to go, so I didn't mention it. She called me later when I was at the bar, so I went outside to talk to her. It was a really nice day. I had a good PMA and I didn't talk about our relationship issues....too much . She was so beautiful today, and it was driving me crazy!! man, I need to go to bed, but the room keeps spinnin' ! LOL j/k
Oh yeah, she jumped at that one. This morning, (sunday) when she was on her way to her mom's, she came over and let herself in and came into the bedroom and gave me a very sweet, romantic card. She said to read it later when I was awake. It was a Blue Mountain Card. They are really nice and we've always given them to each other. It seems were always able to find one that says what we need them to for that particular situation. This one was talking about how I have always been there for her through good times and bad, how I'm the only person who can truely hurt her, becouse I'm the only one she loves and how If she had her life to live over again, she's still choose to love me. That was sweet. Another interesting thing about it, was that the card was written by Donna Fargo. She did the country music song " I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA". Anyway, my W didn't know who she was.
Today I went to help my friends move thier hot tub. She called when she got back in town and I went by to see her for a little bit. No drama, no relationship talk, just chillin'. Got a nice hug and a pat on the ass on my way out . When I got home and got online, I had a few request from members of the DB board on myspace. Cool! Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to some of them. Only problem is that I dont get enough done for being online lately. I need to get some projects done outside, but it sure is getting cold out there lol. Well, I've given her some positive time together this weekend. Now I need to focus on not giving her too much attention. I don't mean to be a butthole about it, but not always be there for her, GAL and stuff. I think I will ask her to go to Thanksgiving with me though. I think that would say something if she did even though I didn't go with her to hers. I think the role reversal in the past few weeks is awesome! She's trying, but she's gonna have to give up OM, or I'm gonna keep being distant to a point. Besides, I've been having alot of fun flirting and gettin phone numbers and talking to women. They're not what I want. I want my wife back, But I want her back the right way, with both of us working just as hard at it as the other. As always, if anyone on here see's a problem in the way I'm going about this, I'd love some constructive critisism. Really, I would. Don't beat me up too bad though.
Hey, sorry I don't have any constructive criticism for you. I just don't have it in me, but glad that you have been enjoying each other. Take care. f21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Hey F21, thanx for the comments. " I just don't have it in me" sounds like you might be down tonight. I hope everything is ok with you tonight. It really is a rollercoaster ride. But just like a rollercoaster, the highs and lows eventually level out. Then again, I may have taken your comment wrong.
I told the W that I know that I didn't go to her family's function with her, however I would like her to go with me to ours. She said that she would, but she would need to stay at my house tonight (wed) to bake the cake she is going to carry.Now seriously, How could I refuse that. I explained to her that I didn't want to give her mixed signals though. But in reality, I know that it does. Ok, I've been doing pretty good lately, so aren't I allowed a backslide from time to time ????LOL. I told her that It would be fine for her to stay here, but that I had one new house rule.......You have to sleep NAKED! Sorry, House Rules!
She's here, in my bed....but she ain't NAKED...&%^%$$@$#@$#@!!
We went in and got off early tonight. I couldn't sleep so I did some much needed house cleaning. It always feels nice to have her here at home, evenwhen we are disagreeing. Detaching, which I've gotten pretty good at, would be even easier if we didn't enjoy each others company so much. Today ( tommorrow for me LOL ) should prove interesting. I hope that I prove her wrong about thinking that my family will be mad at her. I know they'll be very glad to see her, and that should help my sitch. It'll be the first time she's seen any of my family in over three months.
The only thing now that I'm worried about in that dept. is the fact that my aunt, who lives next door ( I rent this house from her) Is a big time gossiper. Her daughter, or my cousin, lives across the street, and is married to OM's wife's cousin. ( are you still with me? ). Om's W knows that I know my cousin and her husband, but doesn't know that we're related. When they all get together for their family's Dinner, and the gossip gets around and then my cousin comes back to my aunt with this info....It'll spread through my family like wildfire. It's not gonna embarrace me so much ( I'm not the one who cheated) but will be bad for my W. That's just a scenario, which may not happen at all, but something I've worried about ever since I talked to OM's W and discovered the common relatives. A very, very small world indeed. OH well, ya wanna play, ya gotta pay !
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f21 
