Your post really made me laugh. I'm not saying it's all funny to me, just the part about you running into the neighbor at your wife's apt. So funny! It's good to have a sense of humor about all this crazy sh!t.
Since you "asked" for a D, why not do the holidays together. After all, it might be the last. I doubt that.
Keep up the DBing big boy.
forever21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Personally, no, I would not do holidays together. I think it is a bad idea. Have you filed yet? if not, all you've done at this point is ask for a D. Remember when I told you that as soon as you set a boundary, it will be tested?
Right now, your actions are not congruent with your words, and soon she will begin to notice. This will do more damage to you in the long-run, I think, than if you never brought up the D to begin with. Remind yourself why you did. NOT spending the holidays together underscores the 'we're not together anymore.' Spending the holidays together makes your boundary sound like a distant threat.
That whole "Get A Life' part of DBing is really important right now... even if it just seems like you are Getting A Life. If she calls you on the phone and you want to talk, fine. But I wouldn't be pursuing her in any way... especially if she is still seeing OM. If she wants to bring YOU soup, fine. I wouldn't be going out of my way to see her... but I would not avoid her if she comes looking for you... unless you don't want to see her. And when she does show up or call, do the whole DB thing... friendly, cheerful... not always available.
What happened to your weekend away? Jeese, man, get OUT OF TOWN for a bit...
And the next time someone asks you "do you live here?" Say 'no, sure don't, just visiting.' That's all anybody needs to know.
Yeah, on a more serious note, I think what Corrie is saying is much wiser. I guess I was too wimpy to directly call you out on the D threat. Hope all is well.
forever21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
I hear ya'll loud & clear. I AM out of town right now. On the coast at a friends house. She just called me and She's staying at my house this weekend. Found out that she and OM went to dinner last night for his birthday. I told her that I needed to go. Told her that if she didn't want the D, I cant make her do it, but as long as she and him are buddy's that I thought I didn't need to be involved with her. AND SHE AGREED! WTF? ok, anyway. She was also jealous coz I got some phone numbers last night : )
Staythe course my friend, stay the course. You have plotted it out, and you have told her what it is. Don't let her see weakness in you. It sucks that it has to come to this, but if you don't you are a pushover. Besides, from everything you have said in the past, this is for your and your health and well-being. It's not about getting her back, its for you.
It's good to have a sense of humor about all this crazy sh!t.
I doubt that.
