I'm not really familiar with your sitch but it certainly sounds like your H is suffering more from depression than with a gambling addiction. I'm sure you have tried everything but here are my questions/suggestions for you:
1) Have you told your H you forgive him for the A? And, if yes, do you really mean it? -- As hard as it is for us to forgive, it is crucial to do before our WASs can forgive themselves.
2) Have you suggested your H have friends over to actually play a real poker game rather than online. It sounds like your H is addicted to online poker in the way you are addicted to coming here. Does your H have other interests or hobbies? Does your H have supportive friends--in other words an opportunity to do things he enjoys w/out you around? (I think everyone needs some alone time.)
3) Do you have hobbies or interests of your own that make you happy? Don't forget two very important things. First, happiness comes from within. Second, happiness is contagious.
4) Are there things you and your H enjoy doing together. These things don't have to be major, but it is important for the two of you to have things that you can enjoy together, things that are special for just the two of you. Perhaps you could just ask your H directly if there is anything he would like to try or wishes you would try. (And for once, my mind is not in the gutter. )
5) Do you know your and your H's love languages? Learning my H's was extremely helpful. I know understand how important it is to constantly compliment him. I used to find it annoying that he would "fish" for compliments. Now I make an effort to tell him how nice he looks, and how much I appreciate him.
You might ask for assistance from those on the boards who have been on both sides of the fence, who have been both WAS and LBS. I think Frank is one and maybe JokerMan and CrazedMom--though I'm not positive. The point is, it might be useful to get advice from someone who was a WAS and can relate to your feelings.
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