When the Enemy Finds a New Foothold

[BethJ]

Thanks vc. I have started researching gambling addictions and there is a lot of useful information out there. But it really comes down to my H not thinking there is a problem. He is working afternoons so this morning when he got home from work (4 a.m.) he immediately went to play poker. He was still at it at 8 and then went golfing with the guys from work (they have off today for voting!).

I am suffering with all kinds of doubts as I checked his cell and he called OW on his way home from work in the middle of the night. He tried to be reassuring and claimed she had text paged him and he called her back to say not to do that anymore. Sure!! He is loving and attentive, which he was NOT when the affair was in full swing. He tells me he loves me, and has chosen ME, but it doesn't help that I know his heart still pines for her.

This poker addiction is threatening to kill our marriage almost worse than the affair did. He rarely has energy or inclination for and I am feeling rejected. I told him I am almost ready for an affair myself, and I keep dreaming about them. I know this is the enemy of my soul trying to tempt me. Temptaion is very strong! I understand how my H got involved in adultery. It would feel great right now if somebody was gaga over me.

Alas, I will put on praise music and go iron for my wayward husband. I really want to do something drastic right now, like LEAVE WITH ALL THE KIDS! If my family didn't think everything was much better between us, I would. I just don't want them to think badly of H again, because deep down in my heart I know this can work out and I want his relationship with them to be a good one, like it used to be. THERE IS NO ONE I CAN TALK TO WHO KNOWS THE TRUTH AND I AM GOING CRAZY! Why do I want to protect him so bad? Even my friends think things are better. I have not told them this, I just stopped talking about a year ago.

Sorry to rant. I feel better. I do love him - I just need to figure out why.