Simple Question

[MariS]

Journaling....

WAH-MLCer actually stayed a little longer with child & I last night & had dinner w/us while watching a little t.v.
(not my best home cooked meal, but was fair) Two of my baby step goals - WOW

It was a feel good family hour that I sincerely hope will continue to repeat more often.

Then this morning, I get a txt asking if I wanted H to arrive earlier than usual "to wake me up nicely".

H usually arrives to help get child ready for school, feed pets & take child to school.

Needless to say, I did not decline.

Still praying multiple times/per day, taking each day for what it is worth & trying to keep my fears under lock.
(is H using me for sex, or is H attempting to piece our M? I know that H filed for D, but H doesn't know I am aware)

[brandnewday]

I think you need to enjoy what you have and stop worrying about his motive.

If you feel uncomfortable having sex then don't do it.

Maybe you could get a babysitter and have 30 hours with your Husband instead of being by yourself at this stage of the game.

[MariS]

brandnewday,

Thought crossed my mind, but current vibe is WAH is not ready for that yet. Even though I am ALL over it.

Also reminding myself we need to keep things slow, paced out & not rush back to the EXACT same problimatic marriage.

Will keep doing my best to keep the devil at bay with my concerns about WAH's motive....

[brandnewday]

But have you asked him what HE wants?
You might be surprised.
This was one of my problems in separating past behaviors from the new ones.
Stop assuming, things are different now.
We are both different people.

[MariS]

brandnewday,

No, I have not asked H what he wants.

First, I am afraid.

Second, I figured I was still in the limbo land area, where I need to keep my mouth shut, not rock the boat & wait for H to bring up the subject of R/M.

Third, with holidays approaching, I didn't want to give added pressure.

I would love to have conversation w/H, but don't think this is the right time of the month due to my hormones...

I feel that I am still being tested & that my WAH-MLCer is still working through some of his own demons.

Having a blah day.

[MariS]

Journaling....

Found out from MIL that the condo neighbor of WAH was causing a huge rucus last night. H sent txt later this morning saying police were out twice. Didn't let on that I knew anything & asked if he was okay. (no response)

Now I just sent a txt, asking H if he would like to have dinner w/child & I. I figure he asked me out last week, so I could ask him this week.

Waiting on reply......

REALLY, REALLY, LOOONNNNGGGG day today <sigh>

[MariS]

Journaling,

WAH-MLCer seems to be in that "dance mode." Things going so well for the past week....small steps of improvement, intimacy, etc.

Now today feels that we have take a leap back.

Can anyone give an idea how long this "dance" can be?

Any trigger indicators that I can look for that I can possibly change the tempo?

Thanks for listening....should have taken the day off work.

[MariS]

Journaling.....

Asked WAH if he wanted to do dinner with me & child. He finally called & said he would have to take a raincheck, was going to horse races.

I was good & didn't ask who with, plus got off the phone quickly.

Another positive, WAH didn't say "no" & he actually told me what his plans were for the evening AND a few details about his day.

Thinking of spicing it up a little later (I'm now on the SSM link too), with a 180 & asking about for a b##ty C. It would be something completely out of the norm for me.

Any thoughts?

Don't think I would be rocking the boat, since we have already been intimate 3 times in the past week.

[MariS]

Journaling...

Can't figure out what I did wrong, but one of MY replies to MY thread did not post yesterday. Hummm.....

WAH-MLCer went to the horseraces last night w/friends. He actually told me his plans & who w, so I was impressed.

He talked about the issue w/the tenant next door where he is living & how the police were out the night before multiple times & how neighbor seems to be mentally unbalanced.

When WAH stopped by yesterday afternoon, before going to meet friends, he wished he had more time to spend with our child & said he was tired & wished he had not already made this prior commitment. Most importantly, he confirmed that he would be by in the morning to take child to school.

SO, I decided to send a txt last night, inviting him to "jockey" over later for rest + benefits. Guess that was pursuing TOO hard, but since we have been intimate three times in the past week, I thought I would do the 180 & intitiate.

Well, naturally, I did not get a reply AND he never showed up or returned my call about taking child to school this morning.

So I am sitting here at work extremely confused, but also worried that WAH is okay.

Now for the extra wrench....WAH-MLCer already agreed to babysit child tonight so I can go out to a friends B-day party AND stay the night at our house (not sure what bedroom) so I don't have to worry about getting up w/child during the night & nursing a hangover in the morning. PLUS, he will take care of the child tomorrow during the day, so I can have one day off for me.

Honestly don't know what to do now. Figure this is part of "that dance" & is a speed bump on this roller coaster ride.

Any suggestions?

[MariS]

Journaling....

WELL, I sent WAH-MLCer a txt asking if he could pick child up from school this afternoon & received a "yes."

So I know that he is at least alive.

BUT no comment or call about my txt last night, the horse races, or MORE IMPORTANTLY, why he didn't show up this morning to take child to school.

Aaarrggghhhh.....the MLC tunnel dance/game is sooo very frustrating!!!!!

Seriously considering when I go out tonight finding lodging elsewhere (office, friends, motel) BUT also don't want to do tit-for-tat or blow an opportunity.

Thoughts?