J My S20 told me that if he ever decides to go AWOL that I had better hunt him down like a wild dog and drag his sorry arse home.
He also said that if he flipped out like his Dad would I promise that I would always treat his wife and kids properly unlike my inlaws have treated me and the kids. I tell you some kids have more common sense then 40 year old men!!!
On a lighter note, my H called me this aftermnoon. I told him that I was feeling really hurt by his Mother for being such a liar and a manipulator. He asked me if he should cancel his plans to go so that I would feel better. He didn't have an attitude, he actually seemed quite concerned. He reiterated the fact that he really didn't want to go but felt guilty as he hasn't seen her in ages.
He told me again that he is really trying to get home ASAP and he is sorry for putting me and the kids in this position.
Sometimes I feel I am being a fool, but I know I am supposed to trust God in all of this and hopefully things will all make sense one of these days.
I do love my Husband, I just want to try and remember what normalcy is. I have forgotten. This dysfunctional life has become my normalcy. How screwed up is that?
I just want my whole family together. I want to wake up with my Husband next to me. I want to sit at the dinner table with my whole family. I want to have someone to talk to after the kids go to sleep. I want someone to run an errand with me.
I know this is what we all want and I am sorry for whining.
I am just really down. I wish there was a fast forward button somewhere I could press and this whole BSMLC saga would be over.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
