A new begining......

[brandnewday]

((((J)))
First of all thank you for your very kind and sweet gesture to help me get my Husband home for Christmas.

But I also know that most people are totally strapped financially at this time of year and are trying to provide for their own families.

The airfare is expensive right now, more then double the usual costs. I did check online at Orbitz and it is about $900, which is outrageous.

I will continue to pray for a miracle but it is nothing that I am counting on.
The very fact that I have friends here on this board who would even consider this just floors me, thank you!!

As for your sitch.
Oh J, I do know the inner struggle from which you speak.

Trying to forgive the atrocities of our WAS and trying to love them while the thoughts of the damage they have done comes to the forefront of our minds and sometimes negates all of the good they are trying to do.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and let down your guard with absolutely no guarantees.

Protecting your children's emotions like a Mother bear because there is nobody else who can be their advocate, because your other half went AWOL and never looked back to see the damage he did.

And now you have found this OM who makes you feel all of the things you NEED to feel not only as a person but also as a woman.

Neither your H or the OM is a sure thing.
And NO do not tell your H about the OM.

I am trying to be realistic in the fact that my life will never be the same as it was before MLC.
I have never stopped loving him but I have stopped trusting him.
Trust will have to be earned over time.

I also think for you it means giving up control and allowing your Husband to resume his place as head of the household. A place that technically he doesn't deserve because this would mean that he had been there and put his family first, no matter what.

Allowing him to be the man and giving up your voice is a huge decision to make and I think it can be done IF there is a full commitment from him.

As for my H and the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, I do understand what he was saying.
We talked a little about it yesterday.

I think a huge part of my problem during the marriage was making the children a priority, not him.

At this stage of the game he wants us to enjoy each other and make our relationship a priority outside of the Mommy/Daddy role.

When we go out I don't dress like MOM, but rather his sexy wife that he can show off. Gee, I've never been a trophy wife before!

Our relationship in the bedroom has changed also, neither of us in as inhibited as before and that has also helped. We are both able to talk about what we want and that makes a big difference.

I can see that he really put up with alot of crap from me, after going through so many pregnancies, and the hormones and the nursing and haveing no outside support from family.

I had a hard time losing the last 30 pounds after the last baby was born and I was also very tired and worn out. I saw some photos of myself recently from that time period and I looked like hell.

He compliments me daily on my appearance, the way I dress now, the makeup, my size 2 body. He told me that I am the first person he thinks of when he wakes up each morning and the last when he goes to bed at night.

These are things I needed to hear for a long time, and so as shallow as I might seem, I like being told that my Husband finds me beautiful and sexy.

I will no longer allow myself to be 2nd best.
I need to be first and have told him this.

J, you do not have to make a decision right now, the fact that you are still wavering means that you are undecided.
See how things go at Christmas and play it by ear.