I work in a bar, I get quite a bit of male attention. Actually a little more than I am comfortable with, unfortunately the only one that I want attention from (my H) is not giving it to me.

Hummmmm.... Now you have me thinking.... I'm wondering if you're so used to deflecting attention from other males that you've developed some protective mechanisms (distancing mannerisms) and perhaps have unconsciously used these with H (out of habit)... (???)

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.